SO MUCH FOR COMING OUTTO MY SECOND SPECIAL.

THANKS TO MY TWO PALS,MARK TEICH AND ROD CONE.

[CHEERS, WHISTLES & APPLAUSE]]

WE'RE GONNA END NOW IN A SONGABOUT YOU IN HIGH SCHOOL,

- IF YOU NEVER GOT LAID.- [CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]

- HARMONICA.- [Jazzy upbeat tempo]

- MORE HARMONICA.- ♪

♪ I GOT MY 12-SIDED DIAND I'M READ TO ROLL ♪

♪ WITH A WIZARDIN MY GOBLIN CREW ♪

♪ MY FRIENDS ARE COMING OVERTO MY MOM'S BASEMENT ♪

♪ BRINGIN' FUNIONSAND A MOUNTAIN DEW ♪

♪ I GOT A BIG BROAD SWORDMADE OUT OF CARDBOARD ♪

♪ AND THE STEREO'SA-PUMPIN' ZEPPELIN ♪♪ "DAZED AND CONFUSED"

♪ IT'S THAT TIME OF THE NIGHTWE TURN ON THE BLACK LIGHT ♪

♪ LET THE DUNGEONSAND THE DRAGONS BEGIN ♪

♪ IT'S D&D

♪ FIGHTIN' WITHTHE LEGENDS OF YORE ♪

♪ IT'S D&D

♪ NEVER KISSED A LADY BEFORE NOPE. HE HASN'T. WOO!

- ♪ - OW!

♪ NOW THE LORD OF THE RINGSIS OUR CRYSTAL AND THINGS ♪

♪ WE USE THESEAS A REFERENCE TOOL ♪

♪ AND WHEN WE PUTALL OUR CLOAKS ANDTELL WARLOCK JOKES ♪

♪ WE'RE THE COOLEST KIDSAT THE SCHOOL ♪

NOW WE'RE NOT.I KNOW.

♪ NOW, TEICH'S A REAL BASTARDBUT A FAIR DUNGEON MASTER ♪

♪ HE'S GOT HIT POINTSAND CHARISMA TO LEND ♪

♪ AND I REHEARSEIN MY ROOM OF WHAT I CALLTHE DRAGONS TUNE ♪

♪ WHEN I'M NOT OUTWITH MY GIRLFRIEND ♪

♪ YOU DON'T HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ♪ YES, I GOT A GIRLFRIEND

♪ YOU DON'T HAVE NO GIRLFRIEND ♪ WELL, I JUST TOLD YOU--

♪ NOW, DON'T LIE TO THEAMERICAN VIEWING PUBLIC ♪

♪ AND ALL THESEPEOPLE IN HERE YOU JUSTSAID IN THE FIRST VERSE ♪

♪ THAT YOU NEVERKISSED A LADY BEFORE ♪

♪ AND EVEN LAST NIGHTAT THE HOTEL ROOM ♪

♪ I CAUGHT YOU [BLEEP] OFF

♪ TO A VICTORIA SECRETCATALOGUE ♪

♪ SO KNOW YOU'RE LYIN'IT'S D&D ♪

♪ SUMMONING THE DEMONS OF HELLIT'S D&D ♪

♪ WHEN OUR SHIFT ENDSAT THE TACO BELL ♪

- ♪ CHALUPA - ♪ CHORDITA

- BRA-HA-HA!- [CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]

♪ WELL, MY MEDIEVAL BROTHERTHERE'S ROOM HERE FOR ANOTHER ♪

♪ WOULD YOU CARE TO TAKEA ROLL OF THE DI? ♪

♪ YOU GUYS MAKE ME WEEPYOU THINK THAT ♪

♪ YOU CAN KEEP UP WITHA WARRIOR AS MIGHTY AS I ♪

♪ SEE YOU'RE IN IMMORTAL DANGERI'M A FIRST CLASS RANGER ♪

♪ WHO'S HALF GARGOYLEAND HALF ELF, THAT'S RIGHT ♪

♪ AND IF THAT DOESN'T SCARE YAMAYBE I SHOULD BEWARE YA ♪

♪ OF WHAT LURKSWITHIN MY GAMING SHELF ♪

DO TELL.

♪ NEXT TO MY JUNIOR HIGH ANNUALLIES MY MONSTER MANUAL ♪

♪ AND MY CUSTOMIZEDDUNGEON MASTERS SCREEN ♪

♪ I'VE GOT TREASURES AND TRAPSALL MY GRAPHICAL PAPER MAPS ♪

♪ NEXT TO MY 3 INCHSOLID PEWTER FIGURINES ♪

♪ SO, IF YOU THINKYOU'VE GOT THE BALLS ♪

♪ BRING ON YOURDUNGEON MASTER CALLS ♪

♪ I'LL BE PROTECTEDBY MY ROBE OF DESTRUCTION ♪

♪ AND I WILL LEAVE YOUBOTH IN TEARS ♪

♪ CAUSE I'M THEDUNGEON MASTER HERE ♪

♪ AND YOU TWO ARE IN NEEDOF SOME INSTRUCTION ♪

♪ IT'S D&D

♪ WARRIORS WHO TERRIFY

- ♪ IT'S D&D - [CHEERS, WHISTLES & APPLAUSE]

♪ VIRGINS

♪ 'TIL THE DAY

♪ WE--

♪ UH-- OH-- UH-- OH, OH, OH--

[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]

NO, NO, NO, NO,ONE, TWO, [BLEEP] YOU.

♪ DIE ♪

THANK YOU. GOODNIGHT.

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