SO MUCH FOR COMING OUTTO MY SECOND SPECIAL.
THANKS TO MY TWO PALS,MARK TEICH AND ROD CONE.
[CHEERS, WHISTLES & APPLAUSE]]
WE'RE GONNA END NOW IN A SONGABOUT YOU IN HIGH SCHOOL,
- IF YOU NEVER GOT LAID.- [CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
- HARMONICA.- [Jazzy upbeat tempo]
- MORE HARMONICA.- ♪
♪ I GOT MY 12-SIDED DIAND I'M READ TO ROLL ♪
♪ WITH A WIZARDIN MY GOBLIN CREW ♪
♪ MY FRIENDS ARE COMING OVERTO MY MOM'S BASEMENT ♪
♪ BRINGIN' FUNIONSAND A MOUNTAIN DEW ♪
♪ I GOT A BIG BROAD SWORDMADE OUT OF CARDBOARD ♪
♪ AND THE STEREO'SA-PUMPIN' ZEPPELIN ♪♪ "DAZED AND CONFUSED"
♪ IT'S THAT TIME OF THE NIGHTWE TURN ON THE BLACK LIGHT ♪
♪ LET THE DUNGEONSAND THE DRAGONS BEGIN ♪
♪ IT'S D&D
♪ FIGHTIN' WITHTHE LEGENDS OF YORE ♪
♪ IT'S D&D
♪ NEVER KISSED A LADY BEFORE NOPE. HE HASN'T. WOO!
- ♪ - OW!
♪ NOW THE LORD OF THE RINGSIS OUR CRYSTAL AND THINGS ♪
♪ WE USE THESEAS A REFERENCE TOOL ♪
♪ AND WHEN WE PUTALL OUR CLOAKS ANDTELL WARLOCK JOKES ♪
♪ WE'RE THE COOLEST KIDSAT THE SCHOOL ♪
NOW WE'RE NOT.I KNOW.
♪ NOW, TEICH'S A REAL BASTARDBUT A FAIR DUNGEON MASTER ♪
♪ HE'S GOT HIT POINTSAND CHARISMA TO LEND ♪
♪ AND I REHEARSEIN MY ROOM OF WHAT I CALLTHE DRAGONS TUNE ♪
♪ WHEN I'M NOT OUTWITH MY GIRLFRIEND ♪
♪ YOU DON'T HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ♪ YES, I GOT A GIRLFRIEND
♪ YOU DON'T HAVE NO GIRLFRIEND ♪ WELL, I JUST TOLD YOU--
♪ NOW, DON'T LIE TO THEAMERICAN VIEWING PUBLIC ♪
♪ AND ALL THESEPEOPLE IN HERE YOU JUSTSAID IN THE FIRST VERSE ♪
♪ THAT YOU NEVERKISSED A LADY BEFORE ♪
♪ AND EVEN LAST NIGHTAT THE HOTEL ROOM ♪
♪ I CAUGHT YOU [BLEEP] OFF
♪ TO A VICTORIA SECRETCATALOGUE ♪
♪ SO KNOW YOU'RE LYIN'IT'S D&D ♪
♪ SUMMONING THE DEMONS OF HELLIT'S D&D ♪
♪ WHEN OUR SHIFT ENDSAT THE TACO BELL ♪
- ♪ CHALUPA - ♪ CHORDITA
- BRA-HA-HA!- [CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
♪ WELL, MY MEDIEVAL BROTHERTHERE'S ROOM HERE FOR ANOTHER ♪
♪ WOULD YOU CARE TO TAKEA ROLL OF THE DI? ♪
♪ YOU GUYS MAKE ME WEEPYOU THINK THAT ♪
♪ YOU CAN KEEP UP WITHA WARRIOR AS MIGHTY AS I ♪
♪ SEE YOU'RE IN IMMORTAL DANGERI'M A FIRST CLASS RANGER ♪
♪ WHO'S HALF GARGOYLEAND HALF ELF, THAT'S RIGHT ♪
♪ AND IF THAT DOESN'T SCARE YAMAYBE I SHOULD BEWARE YA ♪
♪ OF WHAT LURKSWITHIN MY GAMING SHELF ♪
DO TELL.
♪ NEXT TO MY JUNIOR HIGH ANNUALLIES MY MONSTER MANUAL ♪
♪ AND MY CUSTOMIZEDDUNGEON MASTERS SCREEN ♪
♪ I'VE GOT TREASURES AND TRAPSALL MY GRAPHICAL PAPER MAPS ♪
♪ NEXT TO MY 3 INCHSOLID PEWTER FIGURINES ♪
♪ SO, IF YOU THINKYOU'VE GOT THE BALLS ♪
♪ BRING ON YOURDUNGEON MASTER CALLS ♪
♪ I'LL BE PROTECTEDBY MY ROBE OF DESTRUCTION ♪
♪ AND I WILL LEAVE YOUBOTH IN TEARS ♪
♪ CAUSE I'M THEDUNGEON MASTER HERE ♪
♪ AND YOU TWO ARE IN NEEDOF SOME INSTRUCTION ♪
♪ IT'S D&D
♪ WARRIORS WHO TERRIFY
- ♪ IT'S D&D - [CHEERS, WHISTLES & APPLAUSE]
♪ VIRGINS
♪ 'TIL THE DAY
♪ WE--
♪ UH-- OH-- UH-- OH, OH, OH--
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
NO, NO, NO, NO,ONE, TWO, [BLEEP] YOU.
♪ DIE ♪
THANK YOU. GOODNIGHT.
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