I have a fear of cats.
It's the worst fear to havebecause no one respects it.
If you tell anyonethat owns a cat
that you're afraid of cats,they all have the same reaction.
They all wantto give you the cat.
Want to put the caton top of you.
"Oh, not my cat.
"My cat's different.He's like a dog.
Pet him, pet him, pet him."
That's not howyou treat a phobia, right?
If you come over to my house,
you tell meyou're claustrophobic,
I won't try to shove youin a closet.
"Oh, not my closet.My closet's different.
"It's like a field.Get in, get in.
Is it like a field in there?"
(imitates door closing)
Just don't trust cats.
Can't read their emotionslike you can dogs.
Like, if you goto someone else's house
and they have a dog,you know right away
if they like you or not.They be like,
if they don't like you,they tell you, like,
"Hey, (bleep) you,get out of here!"
You're like, "Thank you, dog,I'll be outside."
If they like you,they're a great host.
You go to someone else's house,they have a dog,
they're the first oneto greet you, you know?
Like, "Hey, how's it going?I'm a dog.
"It's all right,come on, come on, come on.
"You can pet me, I'm a dog.
Let's sit on the couch,sit on the couch."
He just starts runningin and out of the room.
He's so excited.He's not bringing anything back.
He's just,"Oh, my God, we got visitors!"
He's like, "Yeah! Oh!
"He's still here!
"I'll be right back!
There's a guy here!"
But if you go to someone else'shouse and they have a cat,
the cat doesn't greet you.
You walk in the house,the cat just lurks around
in the background for a while.(chuckles)
"Who's this guy?
I'm going to my room."