Tammy Pescatelli - Trampoline Accident

  • Season 10 , Ep 10
  • 03/23/2006
  • Views: 7,637

DID A LOTTACHARITY WORK THIS YEAR,

AND I LOVE DOING CHARITY WORK FOR GOOD CAUSES.

I'LL BE HAPPY TO HELP OUT IN ANY DISASTER, YOU KNOW.

THE ONLY THING I DON'T LIKE DOING

IS HELPING PEOPLE WHOLOSE THEIR MOBILE HOMESTO NATURAL DISASTERS.

BECAUSE DON'T YOU KNOW THE DEFINITION OF "MOBILE"?

HOOK THAT SON-A-BITCH UPCOOTER, AND DRIVE. OKAY?

[LAUGHTER, CHEERS & APPLAUSE]

WE HAVE TIME.

I DID A CHARITY-- OH, GOD. YOU WON'T EVEN BELIEVE THIS.

I DID A CHARITY SHOW FOR THE PLAYBOY FOUNDATION.

I DON'T KNOW WHAT THEIR CHARITY IS.

FOURTEEN-YEAR-OLD BOYS WHO GOBLIND FROM READING THE MAGAZINE.

[LAUGHTER]

I DIDN'T ASK. I'M JUST TRYING TO DO A GOOD DEED.

AND AFTERWARDS, THEY HAD A PARTY AT THE OLD DUDE'S HOUSE.

AND I DIDN'T WANNA GO. BUT MY BROTHERS MADE ME GO

- FOR RESEARCH.- [LAUGHTER]

AND MY BOYFRIEND WANTED TO GO.

YEAH RIGHT, LIKE THAT'S GONNA HAPPEN.

THAT WAS TERRIBLEAT THE PLAYBOY MANSION--

I WAS DRUNK. AND YOU KNOW WHEN WOMEN GET--

ALCOHOL AND ESTROGENIS A TRUTH SERUM, OKAY.

WHEN WE GET DRUNK,WE HAVE TO ANNOUNCE IT.

"I'M DRUNK, WOO, HIGH-FIVE, HIGH-FIVE, HIGH-FIVE."

AT THAT EXACT SECOND,EVERY GUY'S HEAD IN THAT

ENTIRE PLACE JUST GOES-- [ZOOM]

"DING DING DING, WE GOT A WINNER."

'CAUSE FOR A MINUTE, IT'S LIKE WATCHING THE DISCOVERY CHANNEL.

THEY'RE WAITINGFOR THE WEAK ONE

TO FALL OFF FROM THE HERD, YOU KNOW.

[LAUGHTER, CHEERS, WHISTLES AND APPLAUSE]

THEY'RE LIKE, "DARTER, PUT HERON THE TOP OF THE TRUCK.

"WE GOT A LIVE ONE HERE.LET'S GO.

"YOU GOT TAGS? COME ON.

WE'RE GONNA RELEASE HER IN THE WILD."

AND WHEN A WOMAN GETS DRUNK OUT WITH HER GIRLFRIENDS,

HAVE YOU EVER HEARD THE DRUNK CHICK CRY?

HAVE YOU EVER HEARD THE-- [SCREECH]

THE HIGH-PITCH-- YOU WONDER WHY WHALES

RANDOMLY BEACH THEMSELVES SOMETIMES.

THINK IT'S A DIRECT RESULT OF GIRL'S NIGHT OUT.

YOU KNOW IT'S FUNNY, 'CAUSE I'M THERE.

AND I'M FEISTY 'CAUSE I'M DRUNK.

AND THEY HAVE A TRAMPOLINE CONTEST TO RAISE MONEY.

AND I'M LIKE, "ANYTHING FOR THE CHILDREN."

AND LET ME TELL YOU, THOSE GIRLS.

THEY'RE LITTLE AND THEY'RE MEAN.

AND THEY DROP KICKED ME OFF THE TRAMPOLINE, OKAY.

AND I GO FLYING ON MY BUTT DOWN A HILL INTO A POND.

A PEACOCK GOES TO ATTACK ME. I THINK I'M PARALYZED.

BUT REALLY, I'M JUST DRUNK,STUCK IN THE MUD.

AND ALL I CAN DO IS PICTURE THE PHONE CALL TO MY PARENTS' HOUSE.

"MR. AND MRS. PESCATELLI. WE'RE SORRY TO INFORM YOU.

BUT YOUR DAUGHTER'S BEEN PARALYZED."

"OH, MY GOD. WHAT HAPPENED?" "WELL, SHE WAS DRUNK

AND SHE FELL OFF THE TRAMPOLINEAT THE PLAYBOY MANSION."

"LEAVE THE WHORE THERE."

[LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE]

AND I'M GONNA TELL YOU SOMETHING.

I COULDN'T WALKFOR THREE DAYS.

AND YOU COULD TALK ABOUT CLASS AND SELF-RESPECT AND DIGNITY ALL YOU WANT.

BUT WHEN YOU CAN'T WALK FOR THREE DAYS

AFTER GOING TO A PARTYAT THE PLAYBOY MANSION,

NOBODY BELIEVES IT HAS ANYTHING TO DO WITH

AN UNFORTUNATE TRAMPOLINE ACCIDENT.

[LAUGHTER]

NEVER MIND THE PRESIDENT OF THE SAVE A HO PROJECT.

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