I, uh, I turned30 last month
and, uh,I want to get married.
I do. I straight-upwant to get married.
I'm not going to be shyabout it anymore.
I want to get married,because I am tired
of taking care of myself.
Okay? I work very hard.
I fly up to three timesa week.
I get no sleep.
Meanwhile, I see these womenin L.A. who have no job,
but they have a ringon their finger
and they're just at Whole Foodson a Tuesday afternoon.
Chilling. Doing yoga.Chilling.
Watching full episodesof Ellen.
On a Tuesday afternoon.
You know, I look at a womanlike that and I'm like,
That bitch is a genius.
She's not a housewife.She's retired.
I'm all about girl powerand everything,
but when I get married,
I'm straight-up notgoing to work anymore.
No. And I'm not goingto diet anymore.
I'm not going to pretendto like kale anymore.
When I say "I do,"
what I really mean is,"Oh, I'm done."
That's right, and I'm goingto eat whatever I want.
I'm going to eat fried chickenskin every day from then on,
and fulfill my destiny,
which is to turninto a circle with eyelashes.
Like Mrs. Pac-Man.