Ali Wong - Trying to Get Married

Ali Wong, Travon Free, Paul F. Tompkins Season 4, Ep 7 09/06/2013 Views: 32,131

Ali Wong wants nothing more than to fulfill her destiny of becoming a circle with eyelashes. (1:57)

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I, uh, I turned30 last month

and, uh,I want to get married.

I do. I straight-upwant to get married.

I'm not going to be shyabout it anymore.

I want to get married,because I am tired

of taking care of myself.

Okay? I work very hard.

I fly up to three timesa week.

I get no sleep.

Meanwhile, I see these womenin L.A. who have no job,

but they have a ringon their finger

and they're just at Whole Foodson a Tuesday afternoon.

Chilling. Doing yoga.Chilling.

Watching full episodesof Ellen.


On a Tuesday afternoon.

You know, I look at a womanlike that and I'm like,


That bitch is a genius.

She's not a housewife.She's retired.

I'm all about girl powerand everything,

but when I get married,

I'm straight-up notgoing to work anymore.

No. And I'm not goingto diet anymore.

I'm not going to pretendto like kale anymore.

When I say "I do,"

what I really mean is,"Oh, I'm done."

I'm done.

That's right, and I'm goingto eat whatever I want.

I'm going to eat fried chickenskin every day from then on,

and fulfill my destiny,

which is to turninto a circle with eyelashes.

Like Mrs. Pac-Man.

Yeah, just--