Mo Mandel - Dirty Future

  • Season 14 , Ep 16
  • 01/11/2010
  • Views: 13,489

Mo Mandel has been having sex with a lot of older women lately because it is easy to do. (2:55)

MOM WAS ALWAYS SMOKING WEEDAROUND THE HOUSE.

IT'S NOT COOL.

IF YOU'RE A PARENT, DON'T SMOKEWEED IN FRONT OF YOUR KIDS.

BECAUSE IT RUINS WEED FORYOUR KIDS, AND THAT'S SELFISH.

I SEE MY MOM ROLLING JOINTS --VERY CONFUSING.

THE FIRST TIME SOMEONE OFFEREDME A JOINT IN HIGH SCHOOL,

"I'M NOT GOINGTHROUGH MENOPAUSE.

WHY WOULD I WANT THAT?"

[ LAUGHTER ]

"MY TEMPERATURE'S FINE,AND I'M VERY FERTILE.

JUST ASK MY SOCKS."

[ LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE ]

THAT'S A MASTURBATION JOKE.

OH, THEY'RE GETTING OLD NOW,TOO.

MY DAD TURNED 68 THIS YEAR,GOT THE FAKE TEETH HOOKED UP.

IT'S LIKE,NO DISRESPECT TO OLD PEOPLE,

BUT WHY WHENTHEY GET THE FAKE TEETH,

DO THEY GOT TO GETTHE FAKE TEETH

THAT ARE SOUNREALISTICALLY GOOD?

DO YOU NOTICE THAT?

THE TEETH NEVER MATCHTHEIR HORRIBLE FACE.

LIKE, FACE IS FALLING APART.

TEETH ARE PERFECTLY STRAIGHT,PERFECTLY WHITE, NICE AND BIG.

IF YOU LOSE YOUR ARM,

YOU DON'T GET A FAKE ARMWITH BIG MUSCLES ON IT!

[ GRUNTS ]

[ LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE ]

RIGHT?

YOU LOSE YOUR EYE,YOU GET A REGULAR EYE.

YOU DON'T GET SOME RED-DOT,"TERMINATOR 2" EYE POPPED IN.

I'M SAYING A BALD MANDOES NOT GET AN AFRO TOUPEE.

IT DOESN'T HAPPEN.

[ LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE ]

I TURNED 28.

I'LL TELL YOU,

I'VE ACTUALLY BEEN HAVING SEXWITH A LOT OF OLDER WOMEN LATELY

'CAUSE IT'S REALLY EASY TO DO.

[ LAUGHTER,CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]

IT IS EASY!

AND THIS IS INTERESTING, MAN.

NOW THAT I'VE HAD SEXWITH OLDER WOMEN,

I FEEL LIKEI KNOW YOUNG WOMEN

BETTER THAN YOUEVEN KNOW YOURSELVES.

'CAUSE I'VE SEEN YOUIN THE FUTURE.

[ LAUGHTER ]

AND YOU'RE DIRTY.

YOU TALK TO WOMEN WHO ARE 25,

THEY'RE LIKE, "I DON'TDO THAT KIND OF THING."

"WELL, YOU DON'T DO IT NOW."[ LAUGHS ]

"IN THE FUTURE, YOU DO!"

I'M NOT MAKING THAT UP, RIGHT?

THERE ARE MAJOR DIFFERENCES

BETWEEN WOMEN WHO ARE 25 AND 35,RIGHT?

25, 35 --MAJOR DIFFERENCES.

LIKE TO A WOMAN WHO'S 35,

BEING ON HER PERIOD JUST MEANSYOU PUT A TOWEL DOWN.

THAT IS ALL THAT MEANS TO HER.

IF YOU TELL A 35-YEAR-OLD WOMANYOU WON'T HAVE SEX WITH HER

'CAUSE SHE'S ON HER PERIOD,SHE WILL CALL YOU A [BLEEP]

THAT'S WHAT WILL HAPPEN.

[ LAUGHTER ]

I DON'T SAY THAT WORDIN ANY KIND OF A HATEFUL WAY.

I'VE VERY OPEN-MINDEDON THAT SUBJECT.

IN FACT, HERE'S HOW I FEELABOUT GAY MARRIAGE.

I DON'T UNDERSTANDWHY PEOPLE CARE

WHETHER YOU MARRY A MANOR A WOMAN

'CAUSE IF YOU'VE EVER SEENA COUPLE OVER 65,

IT IS VERY HARDTO TELL WHO IS WHO.

[ LAUGHTER,CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]

"HEY.

I THINK THAT'S THE HUSBAND,WITH THE THINNER MOUSTACHE."

[ LAUGHTER ]

Man: WHOO!

"I WOULDN'T BANGEITHER OF THEM."

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