Sue Murphy - Moving

  • Season 1 , Ep 7
  • 01/18/1999
  • Views: 3,821

There is nothing worse than moving. (3:16)

I, UM, HAVE JUST MOVED.

THERE'S NOTHING...

THERE IS NOTHING WORSETHAN MOVING.

ABSOLUTELY THE WORST...THERE'S NOTHING...

YOU THINK YOU'RE GOINGTO DO IT RIGHT.

YOU'RE GOINGTO DO IT DIFFERENT.

YOU'RE GOING TO BE ORGANIZEDTHIS TIME.

IT'S GOING TO BE A GREAT THING.

I'M GOING TO BE PERFECT.

AND YOU START OUT...

YOU KNOW, YOU TAKE A GLASSAND YOU WRAP IT IN PAPER

AND YOU PUT IT IN THE BOX.

THEN YOU TAKE ANOTHER GLASS,YOU WRAP IT IN PAPER

YOU PUT IT IN THE BOX.

WHEN YOU FINISH

YOU CLOSE IT AND YOU WRITE"GLASSES" ON IT.

THEN AFTER ABOUT TWO DAYS,YOU JUST HAVE AN OPEN BOX.

IT'S JUST "( bleep ) IT!

"JUST PUT THE PILLOWAND THE TOOTHPASTE

"AND THE Q-TIPS...

PUT THE CAT IN THERE."

AND JUST CLOSE IT AND WRITE"CRAP I DON'T NEED.

I HATE MY CRAP!"

JUST WANT TO LIGHT IT ON FIREAND RUN FROM THE BUILDING.

OH, MY GOD.

HOW DID I END UPWITH SO MUCH STUFF?

I-1 HAD A GARAGE SALE.

THERE'S NOTHING MORE PATHETICON EARTH THAN A GARAGE SALE

OR A TAG SALE.

SO WHAT YOU DO IS YOU GET READY

YOU GET ALL YOUR STUFFTOGETHER

YOU PUT IT IN A PILE.

YOU GET ALL READY.

AND I WENT AROUNDTHE NEIGHBORHOOD

AND MADE MY LITTLE SIGNS:

"GARAGE SALE" AND I PUT THEMALL AROUND.

AND I TACKED THEM UP.

LITTLE ARROW..."GARAGE SALE RIGHT OVER HERE."

OH, HERE'S

ANOTHER LITTLE SIGN.

"GARAGE SALE RIGHT OVER HERE."

AND THEN... THEN YOU...THEN YOU GO OUT

AND YOU SIT IN YOUR DRIVEWAYWITH ALL YOUR ( bleep ).

( laughter )

I'M SELLING MY STUFF.

DOES ANYONE WANT TO BUY MY CRAP?

I'M OUT HERE IN FRONTOF MY HOUSE

WITH ALL MY STUFF.

IT'S BEEN KINDOF A ROUGH YEAR.

I HAVE TO SELL IT.

AND IT'S NOT EVENYOUR GOOD CRAP EITHER.

IT'S THE STUFF YOU DON'T WANT.

IT'S LIKE, "WELL, I BROKE THISIN '74, BUT I THOUGHT

"MAYBE YOU MIGHT BE ABLETO CLEAN IT UP

AND MAKE IT REAL NICE."

IT'S SO PATHETIC.

OH, MAN, AND I KNEW,I KNEW I WAS IN TROUBLE

WHEN THIS GUY GOES,"HOW MUCH IS THIS?"

AND I WENT, "OH, THAT'S, UM...

THAT'S 50 CENTS."

AND HE GOES, "OH.I'LL GIVE YOU A QUARTER."

( laughter )

AND I'M LIKE, "MMM, A QUARTER?

"KIND OF HOPINGTO GET THAT 50 CENTS.

"A QUARTER SEEMS KIND OF CHEAPWHEN YOU THINK ABOUT IT.

I MEAN, THAT IS HALF-PRICE."

I MEAN, I THOUGHT 50 CENTSWAS A PRETTY GOOD BUY ON A VCR.

IT'S SO AWFUL.

AND THEN YOU GETTHE ATTITUDE DRIVE-BY

WHERE YOU GET THE PEOPLETHAT JUST DRIVE BY

AND THEY JUST SEE YOU

AND JUST SIT IN THEIR CARAND THEY GO

"MMM, NO. SCREW IT."

AND JUST DRIVE ON.

AND YOU'RE LIKE, "HEY,I GOT SOME GOOD CRAP HERE, MAN.

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