Welcome to The Daily Show.
I'm Trevor Noah coming to youlive from Philadelphia.
This is it,ladies and gentlemen.
Moments ago, Hillary Clintonofficially accepted
the Democratic nomination
for Presidentof the United States!
-(cheering, applause)-So excited! This is it!
This is it--she made history as the first
sane person to be nominatedfor president this year.
Now, we'll get into thehighlights of Hillary's speech
in a moment,but one of the convention's
most moving momentscame earlier this evening
from the immigrant parents ofa Muslim American army captain
who gave his lifefighting in Iraq.
Donald Trump consistently smearsthe character of Muslims.
-AUDIENCE MEMBERS:Yeah! Yeah! -(booing)
you're asking Americans
to trust you with their future.
Let me ask you...
have you even readthe United States Constitution?
I will gladly lend you...
No! No, no, no! No!
No! What are you doing?
That's the two thingsDonald Trump hates the most:
Muslims and reading. No!
No. But after some more speeches
and a beautiful Katy Perry show,
it was time for Hillaryto come out.
Oh, but first, but first, as iscustomary in American politics,
her daughter came outto introduce her.
Our daughter Charlotteis nearly two years old.
She loves Elmo.
She loves blueberries.
Uh, and above all,
she loves FaceTimingwith Grandma.
My mom can beabout to walk onstage
for a debate or a speech,and it just doesn't matter.
She'll drop everything
for a few minutesof blowing kisses
and reading Chugga-Chugga Choo-Choo.
That's right,she will drop everything
to be on FaceTimewith her grandchild.
Russia could be stormingthe coast.
Madam President!The Russians are advancing!
It's getting dangerous!
(like Clinton):I'll tell you what's dangerous.
This little face.
This little face.Someone needs to launch
an attack of kisseson this little face.
Honestly, though,Chelsea gave a sweet speech,
and, uh,what was just as endearing
was watching a videoof Hillary's life,
which was narratedby Morgan Freeman.
FREEMAN: Here is a woman.
What does she dream of?
When does she feel proud?
How many times will she leave her mark?
How many ways will she light up the world?
Wow, Morgan Freeman--perfect choice.
Perfect choice.No, because who...
who better to humanizeHillary Clinton
than the man who made us fallin love with penguins, people?
He's the right guy for the job.
So after Katy Perry,Chelsea Clinton, Morgan,
Hillary Clinton finallywalked out onto the stage.
And you know what?I'm just gonna put it out there.
I don't know if I trusta presidential candidate
who doesn't inappropriatelytouch their daughter.
I don't know, people--where's the sexual tension?
Now, Hillary's speech touchedon a lot of themes,
but first,she had to give a shout-out
to the man she beatalong the way.
I want to thank Bernie Sanders.
(chanting):Bernie! Bernie! Bernie!
Bernie, your campaigninspired millions of Americans,
particularly the young peoplewho threw their hearts and souls
into our primary.
You put economicand social justice issues
front and centerwhere they belong.
And to all of your supporters,here and around the country,
I want you to know--I've heard you.
So now shut the hell upand let me do my speech!
And here's $27-- enjoyyour bus ride back to Vermont.
-(audience groaning)-Go on! Go on!
No, that was sweet, though,it really was.
You know what,that's one of the first times
I've heard "Hillary" and"Bernie" in the same sentence
without people booing.
My favorite, though,is watching Bernie,
'cause he doesn't smile much,
and thenhe looks up at the screens,
and screens have the magic--even Bernie is like,
-"I'm on the screen.-(laughter)
I'm on the screen."
And so Hillary moved on quicklyto her new opponent--
He's betting that the perilsof today's world
will blind usto its unlimited promise.
He's taken the Republican Partya long way,
from Morning in America
to Midnight in America.
Uh, w-wait.Isn't Midnight the cool one?
-(laughter)-No, I mean, that's how you know
Hillary's a hard worker.
She's like, "We needed itto be morning again."
And I'm like...
"But it's midnight.I just got to the club."
-(laughter)-Oh, and by the way, by the way,
Donald Trumpalso hates midnight,
because that's when he turnsback into a racist pumpkin.
-(laughter)-So it's not the right analogy.
-(cheering, applause)-But still, uh...
For real, though...
Hillary hit Trump hardall night,
because she knowsthat Trump can't take it.
A man you can bait with a tweet
is not a man we can trust
with nuclear weapons.
Yup, we can all agree--someone who gets baited
by a tweet should nothave nuclear weapons.
But someone who gets baitedby a Facebook post--
Because Facebook is for family!
My grandmother's on Facebook!
How you gonna post that trashin front of Big Mama?
You blow up my news feedand I will blow up your country!
But this was huge for Hillary--the whole night.
After a lifetime of campaigning,a mountain of speeches
and failed 90s sitcom,
it all led to this.
And so, my friends,
it is with humility,determination,
and boundless confidencein America's promise
that I accept your nomination
for presidentof the United States!
Well, that ends that mystery.
You know, if everthere was a candidate
who didn't need to saythey accept the nomination,
it's Hillary Clinton.
She's wanted this forever.
Every question she's ever beenasked in her life,
she accepted the nomination.
"Hillary, would you like..."
"To be president? Yes!"
"...fries with that?"
"With humilityand determination,
I accept your fries."
It was amazing,the whole speech.
Honestly, it was phenomenal.Politics aside, I mean,
this was... this was likewatching a Rocky movie.
We've seen her down,we've seen her up again.
She was fighting through it.This was her triumph.
And Hillary's speech tonightwas the culmination
of an entire conventionbased around unity.
Politicians united in rhetoric,
activists united in purpose,
singers who came together
to share one microphone
among 50 of them.
And if tonightwas the DNC World Series,
well, then yesterdaywas the All-Star game.
Because all the Democraticheavy hitters
and Tim Kainecame together in a mission...
in a mission to defeatthe racist forest fire
that is Donald Trump.
Think abouteverything you learned
as a child.
No matter where you were raised.
How can there be pleasure
in saying "You're fired"?
He's trying to tell us he caresabout the middle class?
Give me a break.
That's a bunch of malarkey!
Joe Biden losing his cool
and dropping the M bomb?
Yeah, and at the same timemaking all the C-SPAN viewers
clutch their pearls."Ooh, Joe, you bad boy."
Actually, you know,for that joke
I wanted to say"pearl necklace,"
but then my writerstold me that in America
"a pearl necklace" means...
You people are disgusting.
That's all I'm gonna say.
You people are disgusting.
But in all serious,though, I've never
seen Joe Biden this angry.
It was like seeing yourjokey grandpa get mad
for the first time.
"I told you not to buy mea Japanese lawn mower!
Joe Biden came out with fire.
And then Tim Kaine came out
and he said some things.
Can I be honest with youabout something?
Uh, I never expected to be here.
I was born in Minnesotaand grew up in Kansas City.
My parents, Al and Kathy,here tonight and going strong.
I spend a lot of timewith Republican senators
who will tell youhow fantastic a senator
that Hillary Clinton was.
You know who I don't trust?
Hmm, I wonder.
Yo, yo, yo, yo--
can I be real for a second?
I heard that Hillary's VP pick
was a white dude...
but that's a white dude.
That dude is white.
Like, Tim Kaine...
Tim Kaine is likea real-life version
of black people'simpersonations of white people.
That guy is white.
He makes-- he makesMike Pence look like DMX.
That's how white he is.
And he's cute as well.
And even though...even though yesterday,
Tim Kaine officiallyaccepted the VP nomination,
everyone...everyone in the arena
was therefor a different reason.
Because it's the easiest placeto buy weed in Philly,
and also to see Barack Obama
give what could be the lastbig speech of his presidency.
And before he took to the stage,
the DNC played a stirring video
taking us on a journeythrough all the ups and downs
of his time in office.
And you know what,after watching that video,
you realize how much--
more than any other presidentthis nation's ever had--
Barack Obamahas touched his face.
MAN: This is someonewho walked into office
faced with multiple crises,
each one of themcould sink the country.
MAN 2:From his first days in office,
the difficult choiceshe made as president
would not only shapethe country's future
but reveal the characterof the man.
His dermatologist hates him,I'll tell you that.
Now, yesterday, uh,the president had a message
for the American peopleabout the man who, incredibly,
has a real chanceof replacing him.
This is notyour typical election.
It's not just a choicebetween parties or policies.
What we heardin Cleveland last week
wasn't particularly Republican.
And it sure wasn't conservative.
America is already great.
The choice isn't even close.
Y-You see that smile?
That's not joy.
That's the laugh of someonewho's about to go insane.
That's the lau... He's like,"I had to... I had to help
"bring the country backfrom a recession
"a-and out of two wars,and after all of that
"you-you're gonna hand it overto cinnamon Hitler?
"(laughs): Oh, oh!
"Oh, hold me back,oh, hold me back!
"Oh. I'm just gonna...
"I'm just gonnatouch my face for a second.
I'll tell you something--
and this is notjust an American thing--
we're gonna miss Barack Obama.
I tell you that now.
The world is gonnamiss this man.
And, you know, as goodas all of these speeches were,
it's all a waste.
The truth is, none of this getsto Donald Trump,
because he always replieswith the same thing.
"Who cares what you think?I'm a billionaire.
Call me when you havea billion dollars."
Well, last night,
the Democrats did just that
by bringing out former New Yorkmayor, Michael Bloomberg,
which was genius.
Because Bloomberg is everythingTrump wishes he was.
Trump has, what,maybe $4 billion?
Well, Bloomberg has $40 billion.
Trump has a TV show. MichaelBloomberg has his own network.
Trump has small hands.
Michael Bloomberg'swhole body is tiny.
So, so who better to burn Trump
than a fellow billionaire?
I built a business,and I didn't start it
with a million-dollar checkfrom my father.
(cheering and applause)
Trump says he wantsto run the nation
like he's running his business?
God help us.
Truth be told,
the richest thingabout Donald Trump
is his hypocrisy.
This-this wentfrom a convention speech
into a billionaire roast battle!
"Hey, Trump, is that your plane
"or did my jet take a dump? Oh!
"Your private island's so small,you didn't have...
"you didn't even haveto relocate a native population.
"Oh! Knock, knock. Who's there?
Yeah, you would answer your owndoor, you broke-ass bitch!"
Bloomberg crushed him so hard!
At the end of his speech,he dropped so much fire,
he-he just dropped a gold barwhen he was done.
He was like, "I'm out!"
Billionaires around the worldwere losing their minds.
And of all the speecheswe saw this week,
this one,this one stood out the most.
Because Michael Bloombergis not a Democrat.
He ran for mayor as a Republicanand then as an Independent.
And yet he came all the wayto the DNC
to warn everyoneabout Donald Trump.
And, my friends,if a man with $40 billion
is worried about a Trump future,
then maybe the rest of usshould be running for the woods.