Uncensored - Ali Wong - Need to Get Pregnant Right Now

Ali Wong, Junior Stopka, Jimmy Shubert Season 1, Ep 7 05/25/2014 Views: 45,790

Ali Wong definitely does not want to have one of those kids who's allergic to everything. (1:35)

Hi. Hi everyone.Oh.

I'm really excitedto be here.

I recently turned 30 and I cantell that I'm getting older

because now, wheneverI see a 21-year-old girl,

my automatic thoughtis "Fuck you.

Fuck you! I don't evenknow you, but fuck you!"

'Cause I'm straight-upjealous.

Because 21-year-old girls, theygot that ripe-ass body where

they can just eat like shitand then they take a shit and

have a six-pack--right?

And they got that inner thighclearance where they just put

their feet together and there'sthat gap here with the light of

potential justradiating through.


And I'm a small person,but I don't even have that

anymore because it's allclosing for business.

That's why I needto get pregnant.

I do, I wanna get pregnantlike right now.

Because I don't wanna be oneof those women who waits until

they're 45 tohave a baby.

'Cause then you have one ofthose messed-up kids that's

allergic topeanut butter.

That's my worst fear is to spawnone of these sissy-ass kids,

spawn one of these sissy-assmillennial guppies

that's allergicto everything.

"I can only eat milk that'sharvested from a tree!"

You eat whateverI say is on sale.