Biracial Penis

I'm Retired Season 2, Ep 4 10/17/2012 Views: 388,622

A biracial high school student worries about his girlfriend's reaction to his mixed-race member. (1:54)

Watch Full Episode

[bell rings]

- DUDE.

HEY, YOU GOING TO RAY'S PARTY?- YEAH, I'M GOING.

- YOU KNOW,AMY'S GONNA BE THERE.

- YEAH, I KNOW.

- THINGS HAVE BEENREAL GOOD WITH HER, MAN.

TONIGHT COULD BE THE NIGHT.- COULD BE.

- DUDE, ARE YOU OKAY?

- NOT REALLY, DUDE.- WHAT'S WRONG?

YOU GET THE HOTTEST GIRLAT A PARTY WITH NO PARENTS.

YOU'RE DEFINITELY GONNA HIT THATFOR SURE TONIGHT, MAN.

YOU'RE GONNA LOSETHAT V FOR GOOD!

[slams]- MY PENIS IS WHITE.

- EXCUSE ME?

- I HAVE A WHITE PENIS.- WHAT?

BUT YOU'RE BLACK.

- NUH-UH. I'M BI-RACIAL.

ALL THE WHITE WENT STRAIGHTTO MY PENIS.

- THAT--WHAT--WHAT,YOU MEAN, LIKE, THE COLOR?

OH.- YEAH.

- BUT WAIT, [bleep], DUDE.

I MEAN, HOW BAD COULD IT BE?- IT'S BAD.

- HOW BAD?- IT'S LIKE A SNICKERS.

- REGULAR OR FUN SIZE?

- WHICH ONE DO YOU GETAT HALLOWEEN?

- FUN SIZE.- THAT'S THE ONE.

- [bleep]- I KNOW.

WHAT AM I GONNA DO?I MEAN, I...

HOW AM I GONNA HIT IT WITH AMYWITH MY LITTLE WHITE PENIS.

EVERYONE'S GONNA FIND OUTAND I'M NEVER GONNA HEAR

THE END OF IT.

- DUDE, DUDE, DUDE.- AMY'S WHITE.

SHE'S NOT GONNA CARE.- REALLY?

- YEAH.

SHE'S WHITE.- YEAH.

- YEAH.- I GUESS YOU'RE RIGHT.

I MEAN, SHE'S PROBABLY NOT EVENGONNA KNOW THE DIFFERENCE.

- NAH, MAN.

WHITE GIRL, WHITE PENIS.YOU'RE ALL GOOD.

[bell rings]

HEY, THERE HE IS.HOW'D IT GO LAST NIGHT?

- DON'T WANNA TALK ABOUT IT.- WELL, WHAT HAPPENED?

- BLACK VAGINA.

Related

MORE SKETCHES
  • All Videos
  • Obama's Anger Translator
  • Valets
  • Levi & Cedric
  • Meegan & Andre
  • Wendell
  • music
  • supernatural
  • history
  • partying
  • dating
  • school
  • work/office
  • health
  • movies
  • TV
  • Season 5
  • Season 4
  • Season 3
  • Season 2
  • Season 1

Non-Scary Movie

2:57

Two friends leaving a horror movie talk about how unaffected they were by the scary parts.

These Nuts - Uncensored

4:14

A man confronts a colleague about his troubling reliance on a terrible joke.

Seasons 4 and 5 Outtakes - Uncensored

1:38

Keegan and Jordan fail to keep it together while shooting Seasons 4 and 5.

Ray Parker Jr. Theme Songs

2:33

The singer who performed the "Ghostbusters" song presents a box set featuring his best unreleased movie themes.

Meegan and Andre Break Up - Uncensored

4:08

Andre's plan to end things with Meegan doesn't quite go as planned.

Negrotown - Uncensored

4:35

A black man who's stopped by the police discovers that there's a way to escape racism.

Airplane Continental

3:18

An impressionable traveler experiences a world of luxuries when he's upgraded to economy plus.

Hold Me Back - Uncensored

2:50

Two friends have trouble negotiating a scuffle in a nightclub.

The Morty Jebsen Show Goes Off the Rails - Uncensored

4:18

Hip-hop star Young Bidness has a highly unusual freakout when a talk-show host asks about his recent breakup.

Marbles

5:09

During his first day on the job, the assistant state's attorney can't resist a beautiful jar full of marbles.

"Game of Thrones" Recap - Uncensored

2:39

Before the premiere of "Game of Thrones" Season 5, the valets look back at the show's most striking moments.