Jon Dore - Stay in Love

  • Season 14 , Ep 10
  • 01/11/2010
  • Views: 10,613

Jon Dore thinks it's OK in a relationship when he lets himself go, but not when she lets herself go. (3:51)

I NOTICE THERE ARE PEOPLEWEARING GLASSES HERE TONIGHT.

I KNOW WHAT THAT MEANS --STEPHEN HAWKING JOKE.

OKAY, FINE, HERE IT COMES.

IT WOULD BE HARD TO BE FRIENDSWITH STEPHEN HAWKING,

BECAUSE STEPHEN HAWKING,YOU KNOW, SOUNDS LIKE A ROBOT.

THAT'S TOUGH, BECAUSE EVEN IFYOU PHONED HIM AND HE ANSWERED,

YOU'D BE LIKE, "OH, GREAT,GOT THE MACHINE AGAIN."

HANG UP.IT'S JUST TOUGH.

[ LAUGHTER ]

STAY IN LOVE,AND THE WAY YOU DO THAT

IS BY TAKING CAREOF WHAT YOU LOOK LIKE.

BECAUSE THE SECOND YOU GIVE UPON YOUR APPEARANCE,

IT'S COMPLETELY OVER, RIGHT?

I MEAN, YOU LET YOURSELF GO.

LIKE, LAST RELATIONSHIPI WAS IN,

I LET MYSELF GO TO THE POINTWHERE I DIDN'T CUT MY TOENAILS

FOR 9 1/2 MONTHS, RIGHT?

I KNOW THAT COMES IN HANDYWHEN CATCHING MICE

AROUND THE APARTMENTIN YOUR BARE FEET -- I GET IT.

BUT MY EX LET HERSELF GO.

SHE STOPPED DOING THINGSSHE USED TO DO.

SHE STOPPED SHAVING.

YOU KNOW, SHE STOPPED SHAVINGHER LEGS, HER ARMPITS, HER...

[ WHISTLES ]

AND SHE EVEN STOPPED SHAVINGHER VAGINA AREA.

SO, IT'S LIKE -- I KNOW --

WHAT WAS THE WHISTLE AREAIF NOT THE -- IT WAS HER BACK.

NOT IMPORTANT.

IT'S NEITHER HERE NOR VAGINA,ALL RIGHT?

I HAD TO END THAT RELATIONSHIP,ANYWAY, BECAUSE I...I HATED HER.

I DID.

I TOLD HER I LOVED HER.DON'T WORRY. IT WAS COOL.

[ LAUGHTER ]

BUT I THINK IT'S OKAY,IN A RELATIONSHIP,

WHEN I LET MYSELF GO,

BUT I DON'T THINK IT'S OKAYWHEN SHE LETS HERSELF GO.

OH, MY GOD.

I AM TOTALLY BLANKING.

UM...

CAN'T FIND MYSELF.

HOW ARE YOU GUYS DOING?YOU GUYS GOOD OUT THERE?

[ LAUGHTER,CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]

NO, NO, NO, NO, NO.NOT GOOD.

WOW.

[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]

I'M NOT EVEN JOKING.THIS IS AWFUL.

I HAVEN'T DONE THIS JOKE IN...

OH, I ALMOST HAD IT.

UH...

NO.

"IT'S OKAY IF I LET MYSELF GO.IT'S NOT OKAY..."

I'M NOT JOKING.THIS IS WEIRDER --

I HAVEN'T DONE THIS JOKEIN SUCH A LONG TIME,

AND I THOUGHT, "OH, I SHOULDDO IT FOR THE BIG TAPING."

AND SO I BROUGHTMY TAPE RECORDER.

I SHOULD EXPLAIN THAT.

STAND-UP COMICS SOMETIMESTAPE THEIR PERFORMANCES.

IS IT TENSE IN HERE RIGHT NOW?IT FEELS TENSE.

[ LAUGHTER ]

GOD. UM...

SO COMICS WILL SOMETIMESTAPE THEIR PERFORMANCES

ON A RECORDER SO THEY CAN LISTENTO IT AFTERWARDS,

TRY AND IMPROVE ON THE JOKES,THAT KIND OF THING.

UM...

AND I OBVIOUSLY DIDN'T DO THAT.

BUT I BROUGHTTHE TAPE RECORDER WITH ME,

AND IT'S I WAS LIKE, "OH,I KNOW THE JOKES ON THERE."

I QUEUED IT UP,I WAS ABOUT TO LISTEN TO IT,

AND I GOT BUSY, AND I THOUGHT,"OH, YOU KNOW, DON'T WORRY.

LIKE RIDING A BIKE,YOU'LL NEVER FORGET."

AND, UH, HERE WE ARE.

YOU KNOW WHAT?

I HAVE IT HERE.I KNOW WHAT I'M GONNA DO.

I'M GONNA PLAY -- I DON'T KNOWIF THIS IS GONNA WORK OR NOT.

IF IT DOESN'T,I'LL JUST WALK OFFSTAGE,

AND YOU GUYS HAVE BEEN GREAT.

BUT I QUEUED THIS UP.THE JOKE IS RIGHT HERE.

THIS IS AN OLD STAND-UP SETWITH THE JOKE ON IT, SO...

SO, ANYWAY, I THINK IT'S OKAY WHEN I LET MYSELF GO,

BUT I DON'T THINK IT'S OKAY WHEN SHE LETS HERSELF GO.

UH...

[BLEEP]

"I THINK IT'S OKAY WHEN I LET MYSELF..."

OH, MY GOD, I'M TOTALLY BLANKING.

YOU KNOW WHAT? I HAVE A TAPE RECORDER HERE.

LET ME JUST PLAY THE TAPE RECORDER

AND SEE IF I CAN REMEMBER HOW THE JOKE GOES.

LET ME TRY IT RIGHT HERE.

[ CLICK ]

SO, ANYWAY, I USED TO BE IN A COMFORTABLE RELATIONSHIP.

AND I THINK IT'S OKAY WHEN I LET MYSELF GO,

BUT IT'S NOT OKAY WHEN SHE LETS HERSELF GO.

LIKE THE OTHER NIGHT, WE'RE LYING IN BED,

AND SHE ROLLS OVER AND SHE...

[ STATIC ]

[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]

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