Arj Barker - Ohio Stop

  • Season 10 , Ep 13
  • 03/30/2006
  • Views: 12,599

Arj honestly thought it would be fun to get laid. (2:04)

I'VE BEEN TOURING A LOT. I ACTUALLY WAS IN CINCINNATI.

AND I MET A GIRL AFTER THE SHOW.AND WE TALKED FOR TWO HOURS.

AND I THOUGHT WE WERE REALLY HAVING A HEART TO HEART,

REALLY OPENING UP THE HEART CHAKRA

AND REALLY GETTING TO KNOW EACH OTHER.

TWO HOURS WE TALKED. AND THEN SHE SAID,

"OKAY, I GOTTA GO HOME NOW."AND I SAID, "FINE, THAT'S COOL."

BUT I SAID, "HEY, MAYBE TOMORROW YOU CAN SHOW ME AROUND TOWN."

AND THERE'S PROBABLY SOME PEOPLE HERE THINKING,

"YEAH, YEAH, I BET YOU WANTED HER TO 'SHOW YOU AROUND TOWN'

YOU SCUMMY ROAD COMIC, ARJ." IS THAT WHAT YOU THINK JUDGERS?

WELL, LET ME DEFEND MYSELF. I'VE NEVER BEEN TO CINCINNATI!

I DON'T KNOW ANYBODY THERE! AND I WAS TRAVELING BY MYSELF.

SO YOU CAN THINK WHAT YOU WANT! BUT BELIEVE IT OR NOT

I HONESTLY THOUGHT IT WOULD BE FUN TO GET LAID!

[LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE]

AND THEN SHE PICKEDME UP IN HER CAR BECAUSEI WAS TRAVELING BY BUS.

AND I THOUGHT IT'D BE A LOT EASIER FOR HER

TO PICK ME UP IN HER CAR THAN FOR ME TO CONVINCE GREYHOUND

TO REROUTE THE BUS TO GO BY HER HOUSE.

THE PAPERWORK ALONE, LOGISTICAL NIGHTMARE.

AND I GOT IN HER CAR. AND SHE NEVER MENTIONED THIS.

BUT ALL IN THE BACKSEAT OF HER CAR

WAS ALL THESE SESAME STREET BOOKS, STUFFED ANIMALS,

EVEN ONE OF THOSE GAMES WHERE YOU HAMMER THE SHAPES

INTO THE CORRESPONDING HOLES, OKAY.

NOW, I DON'T HAVE A PROBLEM WITH THIS.

BUT THAT'S A BIG PART OF YOUR LIFE.

AND THAT'S THE KIND OF THING I'D LIKE YOU TO BRING UP

IN A TWO-HOUR CONVERSATION BEFORE WE GO ON A DATE, RIGHT?

AND I WASN'T A JERK. BUT I CONFRONTED HER.

I SAID, "HEY, YOU DIDN'T TELL ME ABOUT THIS!

YEAH, YOU KNOWWHAT I'M TALKING ABOUT!

YOU HAVE A LEARNING DISABILITY.

OH NO, I THINK YOU DO, 'CAUSE THAT SQUARE IS IN THE CIRCLE.

AND THAT'S A FREAKIN' EASY ONE.

IF YOU HAD PUT THE RHOMBUS IN THE PARALLELOGRAM

I MIGHT HAVE UNDERSTOOD,VERY SIMILAR SHAPES,

DECEIVINGLY SIMILAR. BUT THE SQUARE IN THE CIRCLE?

WHAT THE HELL'S THE MATTER WITH YOU?"

- [SIGHS] - [LAUGHTER]

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