Dan Naturman - JetBlue Airlines

  • Season 9 , Ep 11
  • 04/14/2005
  • Views: 9,643

JetBlue is new enough that the terrorists probably haven't heard of it yet. (2:25)

FROM THE FLORIDA AREA?

[CHEERING]

ALL RIGHT, FLORIDA THERE.

ALREADY GOT MY AIRLINE TICKETS

BOOKED.

I'M GOING JET BLUE AIRLINES

WHICH I ALWAYS DO.

AND UH, MY FEELING IS IF

JET BLUE DOESN'T GO THERE,

I DON'T GO THERE.

I'M VERY LOYAL TO JET BLUE

THAT'S A GOOD AIRLINE,

GOOD SERVICE, GOOD AIRFARE

PLUS I'M THINKING MAYBE THE

TERRORISTS HAVEN'T HEARD OF

JET BLUE, RIGHT?

IT'S LIKE A NEWER AIRLINE.

I'M WONDERING WHETHER AL QUIDA

HAS CAUGHT ON TO THE ALL LEATHER

SEATING AND THE LOW AIRFARES.

[LAUGHTER]

BUT LAST TIME I WAS ON JET BLUE

THERE'S A DUDE SITTING NEXT

TO ME, HE LOOKS SUSPICIOUS,

I WAS A LITTLE BIT NERVOUS.

BUT, UH, HE WAS WATCHING A MOVIE

THOUGH SO I'M THINKING, WELL,

WOULD A HIJACKER WATCH A MOVIE?

PROBABLY NOT, RIGHT, DOESN'T

MAKE ANY SENSE AT ALL.

BUT YOU'D KNOW IT WAS A GOOD

MOVIE THOUGH IF YOU LAND

AND HE'S LIKE "OH MY GOD,

I FORGOT TO HIJACK THE PLANE.

I CAN'T BELIEVE THAT.

IT IS UNBELIEVABLE.

[LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE]

THAT IS THE THIRD TIME THIS

WEEK.

IT IS TOO MUCH."

[LAUGHTER CONTINUES]

MY SISTER JUST MOVED TO CHICAGO.

I WENT TO VISIT HER.

I HAD NEVER BEEN BEFORE.

NOW THAT'S A CRAZY TOWN.

THEY'VE GOT LIKE THEIR OWN LINGO

FOR STUFF.

LIKE WHAT WE CALL SODA ON THE

EAST COAST LIKE DECENT

HUMAN BEINGS THEY DON'T CALL

SODA IN CHICAGO, RIGHT?

WHAT DO THEY CALL IT?

Audience: POP.

Dan Naturman: YEAH, POP, EXCEPT

NO ONE TOLD ME THAT.

I DIDN'T KNOW.

I GO TO A VARIETY STORE

THE GUY'S LIKE "WE GOT POP

IN THE BACK."

NOW I THOUGHT HE SAID, "POT".

SO, UH...

[LAUGHTER]

I'M LIKE "IN THE BACK,

YOU'RE KIDDING, OVER HERE?

[LAUGHTER CONTINUES]

THIS WAY, REALLY?"

HE'S LIKE "OH, YEAH WE GOT

EVERYTHING, WE'VE GOT COKE."

I'M LIKE "WHOA, EASY, EASY."

IT'S LIKE KEEP IT DOWN, MAN.

YOU'RE THE WORST DRUG DEALER

I'VE EVER SEEN.

[LAUGHTER]

I'VE HAD A LOT OF CRAPPY

DRUG DEALERS IN MY DAY BUT

YOU ARE THE WORST.

EVERY TIME I DRIVE SOMEWHERE

I GET A SPEEDING TICKET,

I THINK, I DON'T KNOW.

BUT MARYLAND IS THE WORST.

I DON'T KNOW IF YOU'VE EVER

DRIVEN THROUGH MARYLAND BEFORE

THEY ARE NASTY DOWN THERE.

THEY WILL TICKET YOU--

WHAT'S GOING ON DOWN THERE,

THEY WILL TICKET YOU SOON AS

LOOK AT YOU.

AND DON'T THINK A GOOD RADAR

DETECTOR IS GOING TO HELP YOU

EITHER 'CAUSE THEY HAVE LIKE

INSTANT ON RADAR GUNS THAT

THE RADAR DETECTOR'S NOT GONNA

PICK UP, LASER SPEED DETECTION

EQUIPMENT, RIGHT?

THEY EVEN USE SMALL PLANES

DOWN THERE THEY CLOCK YOU FROM

OVERHEAD.

MATTER FACT ONE TIME I WAS

PULLED OVER IN MARYLAND BY

MY FRIEND IN THE PASSENGER SEAT

WHO WAS WORKING UNDERCOVER

FOR THE MARYLAND STATE POLICE.

THAT'S HOW FAR THEY'LL GO.

THEY'LL STOP AT NOTHING.

HE'S LIKE, "DAN, PULL OVER,

YOU'RE SPEEDING."

[LAUGHTER]

IT'S LIKE, "TIM, WHAT THE HELL

ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?"

IT'S LIKE "THE NAME'S NOT TIM.

IT'S SHAWN McWILLIAMS,

MARYLAND STATE POLICE.

[LAUGHTER CONTINUES]

"LIKE I'VE KNOWN YOU FOR

TEN YEARS, THIS WAS A STING?

DOESN'T MAKE ANY SENSE AT ALL."

[LAUGHTER]

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