Sabrina Matthews - Ladies First

  • Season 4 , Ep 8
  • 01/21/2001
  • Views: 4,985

On airplanes, it's 'ladies first' until the plane is about to go down in flames. (2:32)

I ACTUALLY FLEW IN AND OUT OF

RONNIE REAGAN AIRPORT THIS YEAR

ON A PROPELLER PLANE.

IT WAS LIKE A BOEING 7.

(LAUGHTER)

IT'S A REAL TRICK FOR ME TO GET

ON A TINY PLANE LIKE THAT.

I HAVE A HORRIBLE FEAR OF

FLYING.

I GET ON THE PLANE.

I FASTEN MY SEAT BELT AND I DO

NOT UNBUCKLE IT FOR THE DURATION

OF THE FLIGHT, BECAUSE IF THE

PLANE IS GONNA PLUMMET

6 AND A HALF MILES OUT OF THE

SKY, THAT LITTLE STRIP OF NYLON

MIGHT SAVE MY SORRY ASS.

(LAUGHTER)

I REFUSE TO GO TO THE BATHROOM

ON AN AIRPLANE, BECAUSE IF

I'M GONNA DIE IN A CARTWHEELING

BALL OF FLAMES, IT IS NOT GONNA

BE IN A FLYING OUTHOUSE WITH MY

PANTS AROUND MY ANKLES.

(APPLAUSE AND LAUGHTER)

I SIT IN MY SEAT AND READ

THE EMERGENCY INFORMATION CARD

OVER AND OVER.

THEY CAN GET RID OF PAGE 3.

THAT'S THE "WATER LANDING"

SECTION.

THERE IS NO USEFUL INFORMATION

THERE.

AT THE TOP THEY SHOW YOU HOW

TO USE YOUR SEAT BOTTOM CUSHION

AS A FLOTATION DEVICE.

I DON'T WANT TO PRESENT MYSELF

AS A GENIUS, BUT IF I AM

DROWNING AND SOMETHING IS

FLOATING, I WILL FIGURE OUT HOW

TO OPERATE IT.

(LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE)

SEAT BOTTOM CUSHION, SUITCASE,

DEAD PILOT...

I WILL SAVE MYSELF.

(LAUGHTER)

I WILL NOT NEED

LEONARDO DICAPRIO TO HELP ME.

(LAUGHTER)

THEN THEY SHOW YOU HOW TO EXIT

IN THE EVENT OF A WATER LANDING.

I THINK WE'VE SEEN EXACTLY HOW

LIKELY THEY ARE TO BE ABLE TO

LAND ONE OF THESE PUPPIES IN THE

WATER.

I'M PRETTY SURE I'LL BE

"EXITING" AS I "LAND."

(LAUGHTER)

BUT THEY GOT THE PICTURE.

THEY GOT THE MAN...

(LAUGHTER)

JUMPING CALMLY OUT ONTO THE

ESCAPE SLIDE.

ALWAYS A MAN.

THERE'S A WOMAN WAITING

PATIENTLY TO GO NEXT.

ALWAYS A WOMAN.

BECAUSE IT'S "LADIES FIRST"

UNTIL THE PLANE FALLS OUT OF

THE SKY.

(LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE)

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