Doug Benson - Medical Marijuana

  • Season 13, Ep 2
  • 01/11/2009
  • Views: 32,595

Doug Benson has proof that regular cigarettes are worse for you than marijuana. (2:58)

MEDICAL MARIJUANASHOULD BE...

[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]

[ CHUCKLES ]

YOU SHOULD GOTO A VOTING BOOTH SOMETIME.

MEDICAL MARIJUANASHOULD BE LEGALIZED,

BECAUSE REGULAR CIGARETTESYOU CAN BUY IN ANY STORE

ARE WORSE FOR YOU.

EVERY PACK HAS TO HAVE A WARNINGON THE SIDE, RIGHT?

IT SAYS, LIKE, "DANGER, DANGER,

YOU SMOKE THESE,YOU'RE GONNA DIE."

YOU BUY WEED, IT IS ALWAYSIN A CLEAR PLASTIC BAG...

[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]

WAIT.

...OR TUPPERWARE-LIKE CONTAINER

TO LOCK IN THE FRESHNESS --

LOCK IT, LOCK IT, LOCK IT --

WITH NO WARNING WHATSOEVER.

MAYBE THE GUY SELLING IT TO YOU

WILL SAY SOMETHING LIKE,"THIS IS REALLY BAD [BLEEP]"

WELL, ALL RIGHT.

THAT IS A WARNINGI CAN LIVE WITH.

I DIDN'T HEAR THE WORD "CANCER"ANYWHERE IN THAT WARNING.

AND I WAS PAYING ATTENTIONTHROUGH MOST OF IT.

I THINK MY BABYIS GONNA BE SAFE.

[ LAUGHTER,CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]

UH, F.Y.I.,I CAN'T HAVE A BABY.

I'M A MAN.

[ LAUGHTER ]

[ CHUCKLES ]

PEOPLE SAY POT SMOKERS ARE LAZY.I DISAGREE.

I'M A MULTI-TASKINGPOT SMOKER. YEAH.

[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]

SOMETIMES I WILL DO TWO OR MORETHINGS AT ONCE.

LIKE JUST THE OTHER DAY,I WAS WALKING DOWN THE STREET,

I WAS PUTTING EYE DROPSIN MY EYES,

I WAS TALKING ON MY CELLPHONE,

AND I WAS GETTING HITBY A CAR --

FOUR THINGS AT ONCE,

FOR THOSE OF YOUKEEPING SCORE.

YOU DO DO DUMB THINGSWHEN YOU'RE HIGH, THOUGH.

I'M GONNA ADMIT IT.

LIKE ONE TIME I DROPPED OFFMY JACKET AT THE DRY CLEANER'S

WITH A BIG BAG OF WEEDIN THE POCKET.

[ LAUGHTER ]

YEAH.

AND I HAD TO GO BACK INAND CLAIM THE JACKET,

BECAUSE IT WASREALLY GOOD WEED...

AND IT WAS A PRETTY NICE JACKET.

SO I WAITED A FEW DAYS,

HOPING THAT THEY DIDN'T NOTICE,YOU KNOW,

AND THATTHE DRY-CLEANING PROCESS

WOULDN'T DO ANYTHINGTO MY WEED.

AND I WALKED IN THERE,

AND I HANDED THE GUYBEHIND THE COUNTER MY RECEIPT.

HE PRESSED THAT BUTTON

THAT MAKES THE BIG CLOTHESCAROUSEL THINGY GO AROUND.

AND I COULD SEE,RIDING THROUGH THE STORE,

MY JACKET, WITH THE POTPINNED TO THE LAPEL.

[ LAUGHTER ]

YEAH.

I WAS SO PROUD.

IT WAS LIKE MY JACKETWAS GOING TO A POT PROM.

[ LAUGHTER ]

YEAH.

TEAR.

PHOTOGRAPHS TAKEN.

THEY GROW UP TOO FAST.

[ LAUGHTER ]

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