Matt Koff - Questions for Newlyweds

  • Season 1, Ep 4
  • 11/14/2013
  • Views: 12,333

Matt Koff used to write for "The Newlywed Game," but his questions are a little dark. (2:08)

THANKS, GUYS.SO THAT WAS ALSO A BIT.

I'M ACTUALLYGOING THROUGH A BREAKUP.

I WOULD SAY THE WORST PARTABOUT BREAKING UP

IS WHEN YOU CATCH YOURSELFUSING LITTLE PHRASES

THAT YOUR EX USED TO USE.

LIKE, I WAS IN OFFICEMAXTHE OTHER DAY,

AND I SAID TO THE CASHIER,"I DON'T LOVE YOU ANYMORE."

[laughter]

IT WAS REALLY EMBARRASSING.

I INVENTEDA SEXUAL POSITION.

IT'S CALLEDTHE "STURDY SANCHEZ."

IT'S WHERE YOU BASEA LONG-LASTING MARRIAGE

ON A FOUNDATIONOF LOVE AND RESPECT

FOR THE OTHER PERSON,

AND THEN YOU RUB SHITON THEIR FACE.

YOU GOTTA TRY IT.

GUYS, IT'S 2013.

WE CAN PUT A MANON THE MOON,

SO WHY CAN'T WE PUT ONEON MY LONELY GAY UNCLE?

SERIOUS QUESTION.

SO MY LAST JOB,I WAS A QUESTION WRITER

FOR THE NEWLYWED GAME ON THE GAME SHOW NETWORK.

AND THEY'RE LIKE,"MATT, WE LIKE YOUR QUESTIONS,

BUT THEY'RE A LITTLE DARK."

SO I ACTUALLY BROUGHTA COUPLE of REJECTED ONES.

YOU GUYS CAN TELL MEWHAT YOU THINK.

I THINK THEY'RE FINE.

UH, HERE GOES.

"YOUR HUSBAND'S BODYWASHES UP ON THE SHORE, DEAD.

WHAT'S THE NUMBER ONE THINGYOU'LL MISS MOST ABOUT IT?"

HERE'S ONE.

"YOUR HUSBAND'S BODYWASHES UP ON THE SHORE, DEAD.

"WHAT ONE HORS D'OEUVREWOULD HE WANT SERVED

AT HIS FUNERAL?"

THAT'S, LIKE, A FOOD QUESTION.UH, HERE'S ONE.

"YOUR HUSBAND'S BODYWASHES UP ON THE SHORE, DEAD.

WHAT KIND OF GODWOULD ALLOW THIS TO HAPPEN?"

IT'S LIKE A PHILOSOPHYQUESTION.

THIS ONE'S A LITTLE BITDIFFERENT.

"YOU AND YOUR HUSBANDARE OUT FOR A WALK

"ALONG THE SHORE.

"A DEAD BODY WASHES UP--IT'S HIM.

"YOU SAY, 'OH, NO,I'VE BEEN HAVING SEX

"'WITH MY HUSBAND'S GHOSTTHIS WHOLE TIME.

AAH!'"

[laughter]

GRANTED, THAT'S MOREOF A SHORT STORY IDEA

THAN A QUESTION,BUT I THINK IT'S PRETTY COOL.

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