Godfrey - Minority Page

  • Season 9 , Ep 4
  • 02/17/2005
  • Views: 14,328

Godfrey posed for his college's brochure. (2:28)

I WENT TO THE UNIVERSITY OF

ILLINOIS.

[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]

YES, UNIVERSITY OF ILLINOIS,

BIG SCHOOL, 35,000 STUDENTS...

800 BLACK.

[LAUGHTER]

THAT'S WHAT I DID, I LAUGHED

TOO, WHEN I GOT ON CAMPUS.

ESPECIALLY WHEN THE

BASKETBALL TEAM WAS AWAY, I WAS

THE ONLY ONE LEFT ON CAMPUS.

[LAUGHTER CONTINUES]

AND I WAS THE ONLY BLACK

IN EVERY CLASS.

IT'S HARD TO BE ABSENT, HMM.

[LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE]

"WHERE'S THE LITTLE NEGRO BOY

WE PUT IT THE MIDDLE, AHHH?

IT WAS BLACK HISTORY MONTH,

AHHH."

YEAH, THANKS FOR THE SHORTEST

MONTH, ASSES...

AND THE COLDEST.

"YEAH, LET'S KEEP IT IN

THE WINTER TIME, THEIR SKIN GETS

REALLY ASHY, THEY GO OUT THERE

THEN."

[LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE]

BUT I WAS COOL, 'CAUSE I POSED

FOR THE BROCHURE.

[LAUGHTER]

EVERY COLLEGE HAS A MINORITY

PAGE.

I WAS THE BLACK DUDE STANDING

BY THE COMPUTER...

[LAUGHTER]

ALONG WITH MY INDIAN FRIEND

RAJI.

[LAUGHTER CONTINUES]

AND I LIKE WHEN I SEE THUGS

IN COLLEGE.

WHY YOU TRYING TO BE A THUG

IN COLLEGE?

[LAUGHTER]

A THUG, A THUG, WHAT, HOW,

THAT DOESN'T LOOK RIGHT.

IT'S LIKE, "YO, WE GONNA

KICK HIS ASS AFTER MY FINALS."

[LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE]

"I GOT TWO LABS, I'M A KILL HIM

RIGHT AFTER THAT."

I'M LIKE, WHAT?

[LAUGHTER CONTINUES]

I'M LOOKING FORWARD

TO HALLOWEEN.

MAN, I LOVE IT, CAUSE I'M

BIG NOW AND I CAN BEAT UP KIDS

AND GET THEIR CANDY.

WHAT?

BECAUSE...

'CAUSE WHEN I WAS SMALL

I ALMOST DIED TRICK-OR-TREATING.

I ALMOST DIED TRICK-OR-TREATING,

'CAUSE I HAD ASTHMA AND YOU KNOW

WHEN YOUR PARENTS BUY YOU THAT

CHEAP MASK, THE CHEAP PLASTIC

ONE YOU CAN BARELY BREATH IN IT.

AND THAT BAND IN THE BACK OF

YOUR HEAD MAKING YOU BLEED

THROUGH YOUR SKULL.

AND YOU KNOW THEY CAN'T

HEAR YOU SAYING TRICK-OR-TREAT.

[MUFFLED] TRICK OR...

[GASPS] TRICK OR...

[GASPS] TRICK OR...

[GASPS] TRICK OR...

[MUFFLED SPEECH]

AND HOW MUCH AIR DO THEY GIVE US

IN THE MASK, THAT LITTLE SLOT?

YOU CAN STICK YOUR TONGUE

THROUGH IT.

[LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE]

[GASPS] TRICK OR...

AND THEN YOU WOULD CUT

YOUR TONGUE 'CAUSE THAT WAS

RAZOR SHARP.

[LAUGHTER]

AND THEY SAY IT'S THE RAZORS

IN THE APPLES.

NO, IT'S YOUR MASK!

[LAUGHTER CONTINUES]

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