Mike Sweeney - Hazardous to Your Health

Reid, Eaton, Sweeney Season 2, Ep 2 05/25/1993 Views: 391

Ponytails and wearing sunglasses at night should cause brain tumors. (1:46)

Don't waste your time.

It's just another one of thosetypical plane crash, shoot

everyone else onboard genre movies.

You know what I was wondering?

If you eat someoneelse in your airplane,

do you get all theirfrequent flyer miles?

After all that effort.

I wonder if there were snobson that plane, people going,

[groans], you atesomebody in coach?

I was walking around today.

Are you sick ofseeing all these jerks

with the cellularphones on the street?

They can't use a pay phonelike everyone else, right?

They have to show offtheir little phone.

When they said cellularphones cause brain tumors,

that's when I knewthere was a god.

I wish everything youdid that was pretentious

was hazardous to your health.

That would be great.

Doctor, I have a brain tumor.

It's my cellularphone, isn't it?

Well, son, actually wethink it's your ponytail.

Although we can't ruleout the fact that you've

been wearingsunglasses at night.

Speaking of doctors, youknow what I found out?

You know there's apsychiatric emergency

room in New York Cityat Bellevue Hospital?

A psychiatric emergency room.

How do the nursesdecide what order

to treat you in atthis emergency room?

What is that?

Oh, OK, Napoleon's spies arechasing you because they found

out you stole the Rosetta Stone.

OK, if you can have a seat overhere next to the guy who thinks

he's Thomas Jefferson.

We're going chronologically.

I'm afraid we're onlyup to the Renaissance.

So you're lookingat a 300 year wait.

Michelangelo, you're next.