Kevin Heffernan - Learning Penis Control

Kevin Heffernan & Steve Lemme - Below the Belt Season 1, Ep 1 11/11/2016 Views: 883

Kevin Heffernan tried to use a well-known method to toilet train his son, but it backfired so badly that he just gave up. (1:46)

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He's got his own problems, myson, because he's four years

old, and he's atthat age right now

where he's got no dick control.

Like he's always pissing allover everything, like the floor

and the wall and me, you know?

And you get thediaper off those kids

and you think it'sjust going to work,

but then you realize the kid'sbeen hands free to this point

in his life, right?

Like he's never held it before.

He's never aimed it before.

He's never shot it before.

And that's whatthey tell you to do.

Have you guys heardof the Cheerio

thing, the Cheerio thing?

You throw in theCheerios in the toilet,

and then you let thekid shoot the Cheerios.

And that's how they learn.

This is a real thing, right?

So we did that.

We did the Cheerio thing.

And what I found out wasthat apparently my kid

is one of these huntingpurists, because apparently

he has to eat what he kills.

[laughter]

Why so squeamish, Colorado?

It's just yellowCheerios, who cares?

No, no, I felt the same way.

So we stopped that.

And now he continues topiss like a homeless man

in a bus station.

And it's because he'sgot no dick awareness.

Like he doesn't knowhis dick is there.

Right, he just doesn't know.

Like the other day he's inthe bathroom taking a piss,

and I'm out in the living room.

And he yells out to me.

He's like, Dad, Dad?

I said, what's up?

He said, are mypants on backwards?

I said, that's a weirdquestion to ask while you're

taking a piss, right?

So I go rushing in there.

And he's peeing, butat the same time,

he's checking to see ifhis pants are on backwards.

So he's just pissing straightdown into his underwear.

He's just frackinghis underwear.

And I'm like, buddy,what are you doing?

What are you doing?

He said, I'm checking to seeif my pants are on backwards.

I said, right now,it doesn't matter.

And he stands up, and hegoes, yep, they're on right.

And then he spraypaints my legs.

He pisses all over my legs.