Joe Mande - Doesn't Represent Anything

  • Season 1 , Ep 107
  • 06/08/2012
  • Views: 6,215

Joe Mande is constantly surrounded by tattoos in Williamsburg, Brooklyn. (2:32)

So I live in-- I live inWilliamsburg, Brooklyn,

which is a very, like, hip,cool neighborhood in New York.

And really all that means isthat I'm constantly surrounded

by pretty girls who weardefiantly ugly clothing.

And a lot of dudes wholook like they're about to

go operate a steam engine,you know?

And everyone has tattooswhere I live.

And I saw a tattoo recently thatI cannot stop thinking about,

'cause I don't knowif it's the best

or worst tattooI've ever seen in my life.

I was, uh, in a train station,waiting for a subway,

and this guy's standing next mewith a wax mustache

was just gazing lovingly at thistattoo on his forearm,

just vibing deep with thistattoo, right?

And I looked at it and all Icould tell,

it looked like cheetah print,or something.

It was just a bunch of dotsgoing up his arm,

and I was like,"Whatever."

And then a couple minutes later,this girl came up

to that same guy and was like,"Um, excuse me, sir?"

"Can you tell me what yourtattoo represents?"

And the guy goes,

"Ugh, it doesn'trepresent anything."

"It says 'paranoid android'in Braille."

Yeah. In Braille.

Braille.

I was like,"Uh, no, it doesn't."

No blind person's gonna see thattattoo and be like,

"Oh, sweet, you'rereally into Radiohead? Sweet."

'Cause he can't.That's how blindness works.

Made me so mad.So stupid.

That would be like if I did thisfor my special, you know?

(scoffs)

That's my name, in Braille.Pretty cool, right?

No, it's not.

It's not cool at all.

But the more I thought aboutthat guy's tattoo,

the more I startedto weirdly respect him.

'Cause you have to bea crazy person

to get a tattoo like that.It's so off-base.

Like, if I ever got a tattoo, Iwould do something similar.

I would get, on my forearm, Iwouldn't get fake Braille,

but I would get a giant pictureof Palmolive dish soap.

Just a big bottle of dish soap.

Just so if anyone evercame up to me

on the subway and was like,"Excuse me, sir,

can you tell mewhat your tattoo represents?"

I can be like, "Ugh, it doesn'trepresent anything."

"This is what I thinkcilantro tastes like."

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