Shane Mauss - Expressions Are Crazy

  • Season 14 , Ep 8
  • 01/11/2010
  • Views: 6,708

If something crawled up your ass and died, you should be happy that it's no longer alive. (1:42)

MAUSS IS SPELLED A LITTLE ODD.

IT'S M-A-U-S-S.

PEOPLE HAVE A LOT OF TROUBLESPELLING IT

WHEN I TELL THEM IT'S "MAUSS,"MOSTLY BECAUSE I MESS WITH THEM.

AND I'M LIKE,"YOU KNOW, IT'S 'MAUSS.'

"IT'S LIKE 'MOUSE,'

"EXCEPT THE 'O' IS AN 'A'AND THE 'E' IS AN 'S.'

"'MAUSS.' I MEAN...

"HOW EASY DO I HAVE TO MAKE ITFOR YOU?

"'MAUSS.'IT'S LIKE 'HIPPOPOTAMUS.'

"YOU JUST FLIP THE 'M'AND THE 'A' AROUND,

"TAKE THE 'HIPPOPOT' --THAT'S AN 'S.'

"NOW WE'RE GONNA SCOOT THAT OVERTO THE END.

"'MAUSS.'

EASY PEASY."

YEAH.

I DON'T LIKE WHEN I ASK SOMEONEFOR DIRECTIONS,

AND THEY GIVE ME IMAGINARYINCREMENTS OF DISTANCE.

LIKE, "OH, YEAH,IT'S JUST A HOP AND A SKIP."

"UH, I'M SORRY, I'M NOT FAMILIARWITH THE METRIC SYSTEM.

HOW MANY CARTWHEELS IS THAT?"

[ LAUGHTER ]

EXPRESSIONS ARE CRAZY.

HOW ABOUT THE ONE "WHAT CRAWLEDUP YOUR ASS AND DIED?"

THAT'S A STRANGE ONE.

IT MEANS A PERSON'SIN A BAD MOOD OR WHATEVER.

DOESN'T MAKE ANY SENSE.

I THINK THAT ONE WOULD BEIN A WORSE MOOD

IF SAID THING WERE STILL ALIVE.

[ LAUGHTER ]

I THINK THE EXPRESSIONSHOULD MEAN THE OPPOSITE, YEAH?

LIKE, "SHANE, YOU SEEMAWFULLY CHIPPER TODAY."

"OH, YEAH. YOU KNOW THAT THINGTHAT CRAWLED UP MY ASS?

IT FINALLY DIED."

WHEW!

[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]

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