I obviously travel a lot,uh, because I'm a comedian.
And I don't likebeing in airports.
Like, they make me, uh,
they make me immediatelytense and anxious
for no reason.
Like, as soon as I getinto that security line.
Like, I knowwhat I packed in my bag.
And I'm immediately like,
"Oh, no. Uh, did I pack my gunthat shoots drugs?"
Like... that's not a thing.
I've invented it,and now I'm worried about it.
But I have figured out
the best way to gothrough security
is when you get to that thingthat spins around
and nobody knows what it does,
but somebody'slooking at you naked?
When you get to that thing,
instead of asking
for a pat-down, you just say,
"Oh, I'd likethe free body massage."
They're not gonna know
what you're talking about,but eventually
they'll lead you offfor a pat-down.
That man's first questionto you is gonna be
"Do you know how this works?"
And you just go...(laughs)
And then as you get pat down,
just moan just a little bit.
"Did you find anything?"
If all of us do that once,
that will disappear.
[laughter and applause]