it's Groundhog Day!Yay!
(applause and cheering)
And also,what the hell is Groundhog Day?!
This is such a strange thing
to explain to anyonewho doesn't live here.
People pull a rodentout of the ground
and then ask the animalto predict the weather.
You know what?This is so unfair,
because if Africanswere doing this (bleep),
and you heard that we pulledanimals out of the ground,
how would you be judging us?
I mean, you realizethere are villages in Africa
where people wear animal skin,and if I tried to explain
that Americans use groundhogsto predict the weather,
they'd probably be like,
"But why not usesatellite data, huh?"
Oh, oh, oh, before we move on.
So, I don't knowif you remember, yesterday,
Donald Trump hosteda White House sit-down
with his black friends.
-Do you guys remember that,maybe? Yes? -(laughter)
Well, in caseyou don't remember,
this is what oneof the people there,
Pastor Darrell Scott,told Trump.
Yeah, so that wasthe pastor saying to Trump
that he met with the topgang thugs who said
they would stop killingas many people
if Trump would agree to come inwith social programs,
which is just the most absurdbull (bleep) thing
-I've ever heard, ever.-(laughter)
Just because, like,gang leaders--
what do they wantwith social prog...?
"Yeah, we need like, volleyballand, you know, we need sports."
-(laughter)-And also, I like
that they don't saythey'll stop killing.
-They're just gonna lowerthe body count. -(laughter)
That's what they're saying.
"Well, I mean, we still gota reputation to uphold,
but, I mean,we can figure this out!"
How do you do that?
Well, anyway, today,Pastor Scott, the same man--
he rememberedthat in the bible it says,
"Thou shalt not bearfalse witness
-against thy thug neighbor."-(laughter)
I used the improper, uh,
vernacular when I referredto them as "gang thugs."
I meant to say "former gang thugs."
These were guyswho were formerly
in the street life in Chicago.
WOMAN: Scott later said he didn't talk to gang leaders.
He says a lack of sleep led him to say that,
and it was just one gang member who talked to him.
(laughter and groaning)
How can your facial hairbe so precise
and your memory so blurry?
-(laughter, applause)-How? How?
But I mean... but I mean,who are we to judge?
Lack of sleep hasdifferent effects on everyone.
Some of us get cranky.
Some people misrememberhaving entire conversations
-with gang bosses.-(laughter)
Just like,"Oh, man, I haven't slept.
"Oh, yeah, and I met allthe gang bosses in Chicago.
That's what happened."
This is bull (bleep).That's what that is.