I-I was never, like,a comedian that would really
even talk about relationshipsthat much.
But then, you know,you go through a heartbreak,
and you start to thinkabout, like, oh,
relationshipsI was in that was weird,
were weird, you know?
Like, this is serious.
I dated this girl oncethree years,
one blow job.
I like some of the married guysare like,
"Three years, one blow job'spretty good, kid.
"What are you,like, a porn star?
"This kid's on fire!
"Is he, is all,is he gonna be cocky
"like this the whole night?I mean, this kid,
"accomplishment after accomplishment with this.
"Well, I haven't gottenone since '86, so...
Three years, one blow job.
The problem ismy mother loved her.
My mother's a very Catholic,religious woman like I said.
She loved her. So I was like,
"Mom, look, I'm breaking upwith Lauren."
My mother was like, "Honey, no.
"Jesus will find a way.I promise you.
"I love that womanwith all my heart and soul.
"Promise Mommy whatever you do,you will not break up with her
"You have to stay with her.Jesus will find a way.
"Trust in me, trust in God.
"Jesus told me to tell youshe's the one.
"He's my boyfriend,she's the one.
You stay with her,she's perfect."
I just cracked one day.
I was like,"Mom, I know you like her.
"I'm dating her for three years,
she's given me one blow job."
That's what I said to my mother.
And she was like, "Christopher!
Get rid of her."