Lewis Black - Flu Shots

  • Season 1 , Ep 4
  • 12/21/1998
  • Views: 16,663

Nyquil is the only thing that tastes like red and green. (2:20)

DON'T GET A FLU SHOT, OKAY?

EVERY YEAR, IT'S THE SAME THING:

THEY SCARE PEOPLEINTO GETTING FLU SHOTS.

EVERY YEARIT'S THE WORST FLU EVER.

IT'S COMING OUR WAY.

( blubbers )

EVEN AS I'M SPEAKING

THERE'S A GUY GETTING ON A BOATIN FORMOSA

HE DIDN'T WIPE HIMSELF PROPERLYAND HE'S COMING OUR WAY.

HE'LL GET OFF THAT BOAT

AND HE'LL START SHAKING HANDSWITH EVERYBODY

AND BOOM! THE FLU SEASONIS RUINED.

LAST YEAR, THEY SCARED MEINTO GETTING A FLU SHOT.

WHAT YOU GOT TO REALIZE

WHEN YOU GET A FLU SHOTIS THIS:

WHAT IT DOES,IT GIVES YOU A COLD.

EVERY DAY YOU WAKE UPAND GO ( snorting )

"I GOT A COLD!"

BUT YOU NEVER GET THE FLU'CAUSE YOU ALWAYS GOT A COLD.

I LIKE THE COLD, THOUGH

'CAUSE I GET TO TAKEMY FAVORITE DRUG

WHICH IS NYQUIL.

( applause and cheers )

I LOVE THAT STUFF.

WHAT'S THE MATTERWITH THE REST OF YOU?

WHAT DO YOU TAKE, ROBITUSSIN?

NON-NARCOTIC, SISSY PANSY.

NYQUIL IS 180-PROOF.

IT'S THE MOONSHINE OF MEDICINE.

WHY WOULD YOU BOTHERWITH ANYTHING ELSE?

YOU KIDDING ME?

WHEN I GOT A COLD,I WANT SOMETHING

THAT'S GOING TO SCREW ME UP

'CAUSE THAT WAY,THE BLUR SEEMS INTERESTING.

NYQUIL COMES IN TWO COLORS:

RED AND GREEN.

IT'S THE ONLY THINGON THE PLANET

THAT TASTES LIKE RED AND GREEN.

THE NICE THING ABOUT ITBEING RED AND GREEN IS

THOSE ARE CHRISTMAS COLORS

AND I'M GOINGTO TELL YOU SOMETHING:

IT MAKES A DANDY EGGNOG.

OH, YEAH, SURE, AT FIRST...

I HAD A PARTY LAST YEAR.

MY FRIENDS WERE UPSET.

THEY DIDN'T LIKE THE TASTE,BUT AFTER A COUPLE OF HOURS

WE HAD A SLEEPOVER!

THERE'S A DAYTIME NYQUIL,THERE'S A NIGHTTIME NYQUIL.

DRINK EITHER ONE YOU WANT,OKAY?

'CAUSE YOU'RE COLD DOESN'T CAREWHAT TIME IT IS!

GOD, THESE PEOPLE ARE STUPID!

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