Kyle Kinane - Accident Babies

  • Season 15 , Ep 10
  • 01/11/2011
  • Views: 9,751

When Kyle was a kid, his dad used to feed him carrots for weeks at a time to turn his skin orange. (2:02)

I'm in my thirties, everybody'shavin' kids or uh, miracles.

Ah, it's a miracle.

Ah-ha-ha.

It's alwaysa miracle.

I'm like, yeah,it's sex, right?

Yeah?

Then no...

then that's exactly whatsuppose to happen from that.

I spend all my timepreventing miracles.

That is what's happening.

I-- That-- Icall it a miracle

when a girl doesn'tget pregnant.

That's when I start gettin'spiritual, like,

"Really...nothin' at all?

Okay, all right--One for you, all right."

[applause]

Moment in my defense.

I just scored one.

Really... nothin' at all'cause I dropped the package

pretty far up on the porchon that one last night.

I don't know.

Maybe I got somethin'wrong with the pipes.

I gotta go see thedoc or somethin'.

I don't know.

But it's like, atleast all my friends

are havingaccident babies...

like, at least,that's okay, ya know?

Like an accident kid, it'sgonna be an interesting person

that you'regonna raise.

'Cause it's like,you're just like,

"What-- you're pregnant?

Uh, all right [deleted],we'll keep it.

Put it in the corner,throw food at it,

see what happens."

Ya know, like, that's gonnabe an interesting person.

I was an accident baby--"Really, Kyle?"

Yeah... whocan believe it?

Um... I think at thispoint, I'm an accident adult

as far as myparents are concerned.

But uh, like, my dad--When I was a little kid,

my dad would feed me carrotsfor, like, weeks at a time

'cause it wouldturn my skin orange

and he thoughtthat was hilarious.

[audience laughter]

That's a goodstory, ya know?

No, I had to go to thepediatrician for a check up

and he told the doctorthis hilarious story

and the doctor said,"Stop doing that.

"You're poisoning him."

It's fun.

[audience laughter]

It's a funthing, ya know?

But that's how ya-- Buthe was still a cool guy.

Like, "Come over--I got an orange kid."

Ya know, that's how youkeep your friends around.

You're gonna keepyour friends that way

even if you have kids--You're like, "I don't know.

We justmess with 'em.

We turn 'em orange--Do weird [deleted].

Blow pot smokein their ears.

I don't know--works for the dog.

I don't know-- We'lltry a thing, ya know?

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