Beyonce Is Pregnant (with Twins!)

February 1, 2017 - David Miliband 02/01/2017 Views: 55,216

Forever changing the course of American history, Beyonce reveals that she and Jay Z are expecting twins. (2:14)

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By now you've probably heardthe major announcement,

the one that's gonna changeAmerica's future.

It's twins!

-(cheering, applause)-Yeah!

It's twins!

That's right.

Beyoncé and Jay Z announcedon Instagram

that their family will, quote,

"will be growing by two." Yeah.

She's so perfect.

She is just so perfect.

As a gift to us all, she...she even did it on the first day

-of Black History Month.-(laughter)

She's like,"And here's the black future."


And just look at that photo.

Look how beautiful Beyoncé is.

And look how elegant she is.And as always,

she's socially conscious...

wearing a mosquito netto raise awareness for Zika.


That's woke. That's woke.

It's a pretty intense photo,though, you know?

I mean,if that's your pregnancy,

what are you gonna postwhen your water breaks?


That makes sense.

It does make sense.

Now, look, obviously,Beyoncé is gonna be great

at carrying those two babies.

I mean, she got so much practicecarrying Kelly and Michelle.

(laughter, groans, shouts)

I don't even knowwho said that joke.

-That was horrible.-(laughter)

But you know who I do feela little bad for?

Jay Z. Because the stressstarts right away

when he has to come upwith two names

-cooler than Blue Ivy.-(laughter)

It's almost impossible. He'sgonna be at the Sherwin-Williams

like, "Give me allyour swatches! All of them!



Uh, by the way, people, you dosee where this is going, right?

What's happening right nowin America.

The Empire has taken over,

the Dark Side is rising,

and suddenly our queenis carrying twins.

(laughter, groans)

Luke and Leia!

And now we've all gota new hope--

Star Wars, people!

How are you not getting this? Star Wars!

We've got to hide Beyoncé!

Get Sasha Fierce to the moon!