Doug Stanhope - Prostitution

  • Season 5 , Ep 13
  • 09/23/2001
  • Views: 6,884

Doug Stanhope makes a case for the legalization of prostitution. (1:28)

NAME ME ONE REASON WHY

PROSTITUTION SHOULD BE ILLEGAL.

ONE?

ONE?

OTHER THAN A CHURCH REASON,

A MORAL REASON.

WHAT?

HIGH PRICE?

WELL, IT SAVES ON THE BACK-TALK.

YOU KNOW, SOMETIMES I WONDER IF

NECROPHILIACS ARE REALLY INTO

DEAD PEOPLE OR IF THEY JUST

ENJOY THE QUIET?

I DON'T KNOW, I'M JUST SAYING...

(LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE)

BUT NO, IT'S LIKE PROSTITUTION--

THAT'S WRONG FOR SOME REASON.

LIKE, IT'S PERFECTLY OKAY

FOR A GUY TO SIT IN A DANCE CLUB

AND BULL-(BLEEP) CHICKS 'TIL

LAST CALL--

HE'LL TELL YOU ANY SCREWED UP

LIE HE CAN THINK OF JUST SO HE

CAN BONE YOU AND NEVER

CALL YOU AGAIN.

LEAVES YOU CRYING BY A TELEPHONE

THAT WILL NEVER RING AND THAT'S

JUST PAR FOR THE COURSE,

THAT'S JUST WHAT GUYS DO.

BUT A GUY WHO JUST REALLY NEEDS

A SQUIB JOB MEETS A GIRL

WHO JUST REALLY NEEDS 40 BUCKS,

YOU'D THINK-- "PERFECT COUPLE"--

NOPE, SOMEONE'S GOING TO

THE POKEY TONIGHT, 'CAUSE

THERE'S A VICE COP OUT THERE.

"I'M A VICE COP, AND I SLEEP

GOOD AT NIGHT KNOWING THAT

NOBODY'S COMFORTABLY HIGH

OR GETTING A REASONABLY PRICED

PIECE OF ASS ON MY SHIFT, YEAH,

BUDDY.

I CAN'T MAKE EVERYBODY AS

MISERABLE AS ME, BUT IF I COULD

JUST MAKE A DENT IN THE

COMMUNITY.

IF GOD HAD INTENDED WOMEN TO BE

ABLE TO PROSTITUTE THEMSELVES,

HE WOULD HAVE GIVEN THEM A

FREE WILL AND, UH, A VAGINA".

(LAUGHTER)

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