Louis C.K. - Getting into Arguments

  • Season 5 , Ep 10
  • 09/02/2001
  • Views: 38,005

Louis C.K. doesn't understand why people fight. (3:27)

IN GENERAL, I'M PRETTYNON-CONFRONTATIONAL.

I DON'T GET MAD.

LIKE I GOT MARRIED RIGHT?

I LOVE BEING MARRIED,IT'S GREAT.

BUT I HATE ARGUING.

I HATE FIGHTING.

YOU KNOW WHAT I DO NOW?

WHEN WE GET IN AN ARGUMENTI JUST TAKE HER SIDE AGAINST ME.

IT'S JUST EASIER.

IT GOES QUICKER.

SHE'S LIKE, "WHAT'S WRONG WITHYOU?!"

AND I'M LIKE, "I KNOW, DAMMIT!

ARRGGG!"(LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE)

I MEAN, SHE WINS MOST OF THEMANYWAY.

I MIGHT AS WELL BE ON THEWINNING SIDE OCCASIONALLY.

YOU REALIZE AFTER YOU'RE MARRIEDFOR A WHILE, "WHAT AM I FIGHTING

FOR?"YOU DON'T WIN MONEY.

WHY AM I PUTTING UP...

"I KNOW ABOUT PEANUT BUTTER,YOU (BLEEP) BITCH."

WHAT IS THE POINT?

YES, YOU'RE RIGHT.

I NEVER UNDERSTAND WHAT PEOPLEARGUE.

BECAUSE ARGUMENTS--NOBODY EVER WINS AN ARGUMENT.

NOBODY EVER GOES, "OH, HERE I'MWRONG."

THAT NEVER HAPPENS.

SOMEONE JUST EVENTUALLY GOES,"SHUT UP, WE GOTTA EAT SO LET'S

SHUT UP FOR A MINUTE."

ESPECIALLY LIKE WITH STRANGERSTHAT'S AMAZING TO ME WHEN PEOPLE

GET ANGRY AND ACTUALLY YELL ATOTHER PEOPLE LIKE YOU'RE GOING

TO CONVINCE THEM THAT YOU'RERIGHT, BY YELLING AT THEM.

LIKE IN TRAFFIC.

I WAS DRIVING IN NEW YORK ONCE,WHICH IS THE WORST THING ON THE

PLANET EARTH.

I'M DRIVING IN MANHATTAN.

THERE'S TRAFFIC,NOBODY'S MOVING.

I'M SITTING IN MY CAR THERE'SFIFTY CARS IN FRONT OF ME,

NOBODY'S MOVING, THE LIGHT TURNSGREEN, AND NOBODY MOVES.

THE GUY BEHIND ME[BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEEEP].

HIS HORNS GETTING TIRED.

LIKE-- BEEEEEEEEP!

HONKING AT ME.

AND I LOOK AT HIM AND HE'SHONKING JUST AT ME.

HE'S LIKE, "GO!

JUST GO!"LIKE I'M DRIVING ALL FIFTY CARS

IN FRONT OF ME.

I'M PUSHING 'EM LIKE SHOPPINGCARTS IN A PARKING LOT.

HE'S LIKE, "GO!"AND I'M TRYING TO COMMUNICATE

THROUGH THE BACK WINDOW LIKE,"WHAT?

I CAN'T.

LOOK AT THE CARS.

LOOK AT ALL THE CARS."

AND IT JUST MADE HIM MADDER.

HE'S ALL PURPLE.

AND THEN HE'S ONE OF THESE GUYS.

HE GOT OUT OF HIS CAR TO YELL ATME.

I'M TRAPPED BETWEEN TWO CARSI GOT THE DOORS LOCKED,

THE WINDOWS UP AND HE'S LIKE,"GO!

WHY DON'T YOU GO?!"LIKE FOGGING UP MY WINDOW.

AND WHAT AM I GONNA ARGUE THAT'SGONNA HAVE ANY IMPACT FOR THIS

GUY?

LIKE ALL I GOTTA DO IS GO,"WELL, I CAN'T GO BECAUSE

THE CARS IN FRONT OF ME ARESOLID AND, AH...

(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE)

IF I GO I'LL JUSTCOLLIDE WITH THEM.

I'LL COLLIDE.

PROBABLY WITH THE GUY RIGHTHERE.

OR EVENTUALLY WITH SOMEBODY."

THAT'S ALL I GOTTA SAY ANDHE'S GONNA GO, "OH MY GOD,

YOU'RE RIGHT.

I'LL GET BACK IN MY CAR."

THAT'S NOT GONNA HAPPEN.

BUT HE KEPT YELLING AT ME.

SO I DECIDED, ALL RIGHT.

I'M GONNA ARGUE WITH THIS GUY,BUT I'M GONNA ARGUE ABOUT

SOMETHING ELSE.

I'M NOT HAVING HIS ARGUMENT.

I'M HAVING MINE.

SO HE'S LIKE, "GO!"AND I GO, "WELL, GIMME BACK

MY JACKET."

AND HE STOPPED.

I WAS LIKE, "YEAH, YOU GOTMY JACKET!

GIVE IT BACK!

I SAID YOU COULD BORROW ITNOT HAVE IT!

YOU'RE STRETCHING IT OUTYOU FAT PIG! GIVE IT BACK NOW!"

HE GOT BACK IN HIS CARAND HE LOCKED HIS DOORS.

Loading...