Kyle Dunnigan - Fighting for Your Girlfriend

Lynn, Pedigo, Kader, Dunnigan Season 6, Ep 605 11/16/2002 Views: 6,941

You have to fight for your girlfriend, even if she has a better chance of winning in a fight. (3:47)

BUT I'M ALL RIGHT WITH IT,

'CAUSE WE WEREN'T A GOOD MATCH,

YOU KNOW.

I'M A GEMINI.

SHE WAS A WHORE?

(LAUGHTER)

THAT'S RIGHT.

YEAH.

I DON'T HAVE THE MONEY TO DATE

RIGHT NOW ANYWAY.

IT SUCKS TO BE POOR WHEN YOU'RE

A WHITE MALE ESPECIALLY,

I NOTICED, 'CAUSE YOU GOT NO ONE

TO BLAME, YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN?

CLEARLY IT'S MY FAULT THAT THIS

HAPPENED.

I SLEEP ON A PULLOUT COUCH.

THAT'S MY BED.

IT'S EMBARRASSING.

YOU TRY TO BRING A GIRL OVER.

YOU WINE AND DINE HER.

"WANT SOME CANDLES, BABY?"

"ALL RIGHT, SOME CANDLES.

"WANT SOME MUSIC?"

"ALL RIGHT."

"YOU KNOW I THINK YOU'RE REAL

SPECIAL.

MAYBE TONIGHT'S THE NIGHT

OR WE COULD, UM...

CAN YOU GET UP A SEC?"

"YEAH."

(SQUEAKING SOUNDS)

(LAUGHTER)

"YEAH, YOU LIKE THAT?"

YEAH.

(APPLAUSE)

YEAH.

YEAH.

YEAH.

I NEED A COOLER JOB.

I WANT TO BE LIKE A FIREMAN.

GIRLS LOVE FIREMEN.

YOU KNOW?

YOU GOT TO BE REALLY BRAVE TO DO

THAT.

I'M TOO MUCH OF A WHOOS I THINK,

'CAUSE THEY BREAK INTO BUILDINGS

LIKE "ME FIRST!"

I'D BE LIKE "I'LL CHECK THE

HOSE.

YOU GUYS GO IN.

I'M GONNA CHECK THE--"

(LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE)

"IT'S AWFUL SMOKY IN THERE.

YOU PROBABLY SHOULD LET IT BURN

ITSELF OUT.

(LAUGHTER CONTINUES)

"I'M GONNA GET A FRESCA.

DO YOU GUYS--

DOES ANYBODY-- NO?"

I DON'T KNOW.

A LITTLE BIT OF A WHOOS.

IT'S DANGEROUS WHEN YOU HAVE A

GIRL, TOO, 'CAUSE THAT'S A

LIABILITY.

THIS IS SOMETHING I LEARNED

THE HARD WAY.

LIKE IF YOU'RE OUT WITH A WOMAN

AND SHE GETS PHYSICALLY

THREATENED BY A GUY, YOU HAVE

TO FIGHT THAT GUY EVEN IF YOUR

WOMAN HAS A BETTER CHANCE OF

WINNING.

IT DOESN'T EVEN MATTER.

I WAS IN A BAR WITH THIS GIRL,

AND THIS GUY STARTED BLOWING

SMOKE IN OUR DIRECTION WHICH

I HATE, BUT HE WAS REALLY,

REALLY BIG.

SO I THOUGHT, "HEY, WHAT'S

CANCER?

YOU KNOW?

LET'S NOT MAKE A BIG TO-DO."

BUT THIS GIRL I WAS WITH GOES

OVER TO PICK A FIGHT, 'CAUSE SHE

KNEW HE'S NOT GONNA KICK HER

ASS.

HE'S GONNA KICK MY ASS.

SO SHE GOES OVER THERE ALL COCKY

LIKE "HA-HA-HA-HA.

HEY, ASS(BLEEP)...

(LAUGHTER)

WHY DON'T YOU BLOW THAT

SOMEWHERE ELSE, OH, MY GOD."

(LAUGHTER CONTINUES)

AND HE WAS LIKE "PHEW, WHATEVER,

WHORE."

AND I WAS LIKE "OH, MY GOD,

I LOVE THIS SONG."

(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE)

I'VE BEEN TAKING THIS

SELF-DEFENSE CLASS NOW,

SO I COULD PROTECT A LADY.

IT'S ACTUALLY NOT A SELF-DEFENSE

CLASS PER Sé.

IT'S A RAPE PREVENTION CLASS

THAT I'M IN.

IT WAS CHEAPER AND I THOUGHT

YOU KNOW.

(APPLAUSE)

YEAH...

AS LONG AS I'M SAFE.

SO, IF THAT GUY CAME UP TO ME

AGAIN AND WAS LIKE "YOU WANNA

DO SOMETHING ABOUT IT?"

I'D JUST BE LIKE "NO!

NO!

NO!"

(WHISTLE BLOWS)

(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE)