Dana Gould - Girlfriend Moving Out

Dana Gould & Larry Amoros Season 1, Ep 0163 02/24/1992 Views: 1,388

She'll leave you with just your toaster and a fork. (1:12)

I GOT MUGGEDABOUT SIX MONTHS AGO.

THE ODDEST THING ABOUTTHE ENTIRE SITUATION, THOUGH

WAS THAT I WASN'T AFRAID...WHICH IS STRANGE

BECAUSE BASICALLYI EXPERIENCE MY LIFE

THROUGH TWO PRIMARY EMOTIONS,FEAR AND SUPPRESSED FEAR.

ALL MY LIFE I'VE HAD THISINGROWN TERROR OF BEING ALONE

AND RECENTLY MY GIRLFRIENDOF FOUR YEARS--

WE'LL CALL HER "ANNE."

ACTUALLY, I HAVE ALL MYEX-GIRLFRIENDS LUMPED TOGETHER

IN ONE BIG GIRLFRIENDI CALL "MANDY":

"MY... ANOTHER... NEUROTIC...DISAPPOINTMENT... YES."

( laughter and scattered applause )

SO ANNE MOVED OUT

AND I FINALLY WAS STUCKIN THIS APARTMENT ALONE

AND I HAD TO FACE MY FEAR,AND I DIDN'T LIKE IT.

NOT ONLY DID SHE MOVE OUT, BUTSHE TOOK EVERYTHING WITH HER.

I'M JUST LEFT SCRAMBLING AROUNDTHESE THREE BIG EMPTY ROOMS

LIKE CURIOUS GEORGEON HIS BIG DAY AT THE MUSEUM.

( imitates monkey call )

I WAS LEFT WITH EVERYTHINGI BROUGHT TO THE RELATIONSHIP

A TOASTER AND A FORK--

MY ONE-STOP BREAKFAST ANDSUICIDE-BY-ELECTROCUTION KIT.

YOU NEVER KNOW WHICH WAYTHE EVENING'S GOING TO GO

SO THE NEXT MORNINGI WANT TO HAVE OPTIONS.