Eugene Mirman - Some Words of Advice

  • Season 12 , Ep 7
  • 01/31/2008
  • Views: 5,515

Don't start a band named Huey Lewis and the News. (2:07)

SHE WAS LIKE, "OH,IT'S OKAY FOR ME TO SAY [BLEEP]

BECAUSE MY BROTHER IS GAY."THAT IS A TERRIBLE EXCUSE.

JUST 'CAUSE YOU KNOW SOMEBODY,YOU CAN'T USE A SLUR.

LIKE FOR MEIT'S OKAY TO SAY [BLEEP],

BUT THAT'S BECAUSEI'M FULL OF HATE.

[LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE]

IT'S JUST AN EXPRESSIONOF THAT HATRED.

[LAUGHTER CONTINUES]

THERE'S THIS BILLBOARDIN MY NEIGHBORHOOD AND IT SAYS,

"DON'T LEAVE A BABY ANYWHERE."WHICH IS TRUE.

I IMAGINE THE FIRST RULE OF BABY

IS TO NOT LEAVE ITIN THE STREET. YOU KNOW?

DON'T EVEN LIKE LEAVE ITWITH A KNIFE OR A SWORD,

EVEN EXCALIBUR. YOU KNOW.

AND BE LIKE, "BABY,IF ANYBODY COMES, YOU GET 'EM!"

BUT IT MADE ME WANNA MAKEMY OWN OBVIOUS BILLBOARDS.

AND SO I HAVE.AND HERE THEY ARE.

[CHEERS, WHISTLE & APPLAUSE]

"DON'T THROW A BABY AT ANYTHING,EVEN A BURGLAR."

[LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE]

"DON'T CRAP IN AN ENVELOPEAND MAIL IT TO YOURSELF."

[LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE]

WHY WOULD YOU?

"TRY NOT TO WAKE UP ON FIRE."

[LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE]

"DO NOT THREATENTO STEAL A COP'S PENIS."

[LAUGHTER]

AND FINALLY,"IF YOU START A BAND,

DON'T CALL ITHUEY LEWIS & THE NEWS.

THERE IS ALREADY A BANDWITH THAT NAME."

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