What's up, fuckers?

Yeah.

I feel badfor my wife.

I used to besmoking hot.

I did, I wasfucking gorgeous.

But now, this iswhat she gets.

It just--

Everything sucks.

Sex sucks now.

Sex is-- Itused to be--

I used to dotippy-toe shit.

Sex is awful now.

She gets on top 'cause I'mnot a fucking murderer.

I don't want to check her pulseevery eight seconds, 'cause her

come face and dyingface are similar.

It was, itused to be--

After sex wasthe shit.

After sex,I used to be sexy.

As soon as I was done,I'd pop off like a god,

walk around like a fuckingangry panther.

Put my leg up like I justconquered a small Italian

village and eat cereal likeFruity Pebbles out of a hat.

After sex nowsucks, ugh.

As soon as we're done, shedismounts me like she's getting

off her dirty bicycle.

Then she leaves.

She just leaves, like shedoesn't even know me.

Like she just fuckeda trucker for money

to get homefrom Jersey.

I'm lying there,just shivering,

'cause the blanketsdon't cover me.

Then she comes back in 20minutes later and cleans me

like a wounded elephantin the zoo.