Jim Gaffigan - Pregnant

Beyond the Pale Season 1, Ep 101 04/01/2008 Views: 61,277

Jim Gaffigan describes what happened when he met his wife's parents for the first time and the dangers of mixing two different friend groups. (2:38)

I DO HAVE A WIFE. I GOT MARRIED.MY WIFE CHANGED HER NAME.

I KNOW SOME WOMENHAVE A PROBLEM WITH THAT,

BUT I WANTED HER TO HAVEMY OLD GIRLFRIEND'S NAME.

SO CALL ME OLD-FASHIONED,BUT THIS FELLA DOES

WHAT THE BIBLE TELLS.

(breathy voice) "THE BIBLEDOESN'T SAY THAT AT ALL.

HE'S DUMB AS A ROCK."

(normal voice) I DON'T THINKMY WIFE'S PARENTS

LIKE ME, THOUGH.

'CAUSE APPARENTLY,WHEN YOU MEET SOMEONE'S MOTHER,

YOU'RE NOT SUPPOSED TO HUG HERAND GO, "OH, YEAH.

THIS FEELS RIGHT."

AND IF THEIR DAD IS SHORT,DON'T TRY AND PICK HIM UP.

"OH, YOU'RE LIKEA LITTLE BABY DADDY.

(singsong voice)IT'S A BABY DADDY.

WHEE!"

(breathy voice)"THIS GUY IS WEIRD."

WE'RE ALL A LITTLE WEIRD.

BUT, YOU KNOW, WE LIKE TO THINKTHERE'S SOMEONE WEIRDER.

I'M SURE SOME OF YOUARE LOOKING AT ME, GOING,

"WELL, AT LEAST I'M NOT AS WEIRDAS GAFFIGAN."

AND THEN I'M THINKING,"WELL, AT LEAST I'M NOT AS WEIRD

AS THOSE PEOPLEIN THE LOONY BIN."

AND THEN THE PEOPLEIN THE LOONY BIN ARE GOING,

"WELL, AT LEAST I'M AN ORANGE."

(breathy voice) "HEY,I LIKE ORANGES."

THERE ARE SO MANYWEIRD SITUATIONS IN LIFE ANYWAY.

YOU EVER MIXTWO DIFFERENT GROUPS OF FRIENDS?

THAT CAN BE STRESSFUL.

YOU ALWAYS FEEL LIKE YOU HAVETO PREP 'EM.

YOU'RE LIKE,"HEY, YEAH, UM, UH, UH...

THESE PEOPLE OVER HERE,UH, THEY DON'T THINK I DRINK.

AND DON'T BE THROWNBY MY BRITISH ACCENT.

GET ALONG WITH THEM."

I LOVE HOW WE MEASURETHE DIFFICULTY OF EVERYTHING

VERSUS BRAIN SURGERY.

"HEY, IT AIN'T BRAIN SURGERY.

IT AIN'T BRAIN SURGERY."

WHAT DO BRAIN SURGEONS SAY?

"HEY, IT AIN'T LIKE...

WE'RE TRYING TO TALK TO WOMEN."

(breathy voice) "HEY,I'M A BRAIN SURGEON, BUDDY.

I DIDN'T APPRECIATE THAT.

HE MADE ME UNCOMFORTABLE."

(normal voice) I DO WANTEVERYONE TO FEEL COMFORTABLE,

AND THAT'S WHYI'D LIKE TO TALK TO YOU

ABOUT JESUS.

(breathy voice) "HE--HE BETTER NOT."

(normal voice) IT DOESN'T MATTERIF YOU'RE RELIGIOUS OR NOT.

DOES ANYTHING MAKE YOU FEELMORE UNCOMFORTABLE

THAN SOME STRANGER GOING,"I'D LIKE TO TALK TO YOU

ABOUT JESUS."

YEAH, I'D LIKE YOU NOT TO.

YOU COULD SAY THAT TO THE POPE--I WANNA TALK TO YOU ABOUT JESUS.

HE'D BE LIKE, "EASY, FREAK.

I KEEP WORK AT WORK."

I HAVE TO ADMIT,THAT WAS A GOOD IMPRESSION

OF THE POPE.