Todd Barry - Brad Pitt Smells

  • Season 2 , Ep 10
  • 07/23/1999
  • Views: 16,748

THAT'S A GOOD THING.

YEAH, I'M A MILITANTANTI-SMOKER. I AM.

I DON'T EVEN LET PEOPLE SMOKEIN MY APARTMENT.

I SHOULD REPHRASE THAT.

I DON'T LET MEN SMOKEIN MY APARTMENT.

IF I HAVE A WOMAN OVER,SHE CAN BARBECUE A GOAT

SET OFF BOTTLE ROCKETS

LIGHT THESE AMAZINGLITTLE CHEST HAIRS ON FIRE.

I DON'T REALLY CARE.

GOD BLESS HER FOR SHOWING UP.

YOU KNOW WHO GETSA LOT OF WOMEN?

BRAD PITT. OH, MY GOD.

WOMEN LOVE BRAD PITT.

YOU KNOW WHAT I HEARDABOUT BRAD PITT?

I HEARD BRAD PITT AIN'TA BIG FAN OF TAKING SHOWERS.

I HEARD THIS ON HARD COPY

SO IT'S NOT LIKE I'MJUST BLURTING SOMETHING OUT

IRRESPONSIBLY.

LET ME SURVEYTHE WOMEN HERE TONIGHT.

HOW MANY WOMEN WOULDRATHER HAVE SEX

WITH A DIRTY, FILTHY, STINKY,SMELLY, DISGUSTING BRAD PITT

THAN A FRESHLY SCRUBBEDTODD BARRY?

OH, MY GOD.

THAT WASN'T EVEN CLOSE.

I JUST WON THATBY A TOTAL LANDSLIDE.

DID ANY WOMAN HERE CHOOSEBRAD PITT?

SERIOUSLY, RAISE YOUR HAND.

( scattered applause and cheers )

DID YOU REALLY?

OH, MY GOD.

WHAT IS YOUR NAME?

JENNY.

"JENNY." OKAY, JENNY.

I'M GOING TO HAVETO THINK ON MY TOES NOW

'CAUSE THIS HASNEVER HAPPENED BEFORE.

LET'S SAY BRAD PITTHASN'T SHOWERED

IN A YEAR AND A HALF.

THEN HE RUNSTHE BOSTON MARATHON.

AFTER HE COMES ACROSSTHE FINISH LINE

HE TRIPS AND FALLS

INTO A GIANT PILEOF PIG ( bleep ).

ME, ON THE OTHER HAND,JENNY...

I'VE TAKEN A SHOWER

I PUT SOME LOVELY DEODORANT ON

I DEEP-CONDITIONED MY HAIR...

AND THEN I WALKEDTHROUGH A CAR WASH.

JENNY, WHO DO YOU SELECT NOW?

YOU.

THANK YOU, JENNY.

JENNY, I ADMIREYOUR INITIAL HONESTY

IN CHOOSING BRAD PITT.

AND MY HUNCH IS

THERE'S, LIKE, MAYBE TWOOTHER WOMEN HERE TONIGHT

WHO WOULD CHOOSE BRAD PITTOVER ME

AND I'VE ONE THING TO SAYTO THOSE WOMEN.

BRAD PITT WILLNEVER ( bleep ) YOU.

ON THE OTHER HAND...

I MIGHT.

THANK YOU VERY MUCH, FOLKS.

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