Mike Britt - Hate

  • Season 6 , Ep 4
  • 05/12/2002
  • Views: 8,340

Sports announcers are like women. (2:56)

IT'S A WASTE OF TIME

TO HATE PEOPLE FOR COLOR.

(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE)

HUH?

'CAUSE I'M GOING TO TELL YOU

WHY.

THERE'S A WHOLE BUNCH OF OTHER

PEOPLE YOU CAN HATE THAT'S

NOTHING TO DO WITH COLOR.

I'LL GIVE YOU A FEW EXAMPLES.

I HATE SPORTS ANNOUNCERS.

AND I'M GOING TO TELL YOU WHY.

BECAUSE THEY NEVER LET THE PAST

DIE.

THEY ALWAYS GOT TO BRING UP

SOMETHING FROM LONG--

YOU COULD BE AT YOUR HIGHEST

MOMENT IN SPORTS.

BUT THEY JUST LIKE WOMEN.

THEY'LL BRING UP SOMETHING FROM

YEARS AGO THAT HAS NOTHING TO DO

WITH RIGHT NOW.

(LAUGHTER)

IT'S THE TRUTH.

GUYS, PAY ATTENTION WHEN YOU

WATCH THE GAME.

THE COLOR GUY, HE'LL BE CALLING

THE GAME, "JOHNSON SWINGS IT

INTO JONES, JONES SWINGS IT INTO

JOHNSON, JOHNSON TO RICHARDSON,

RICHARDSON SHOOTS.

IT'S A THREE.

RICHARDSON IS ON A TEAR, BOB.

I'LL TELL YOU ONE THING,

HE CAME TO PLAY TODAY."

RIGHT?

AND BOB WOULD JUMP IN,

"THAT'S RIGHT, JIM.

CONSIDERING ONLY THREE YEARS AGO

HE WAS CAUGHT WITH CRACK COCAINE

AND UNDER AGE GIRLS AND CHEATING

ON HIS WIFE, HE IS REALLY HAVING

A PHENOMENAL SEASON.

38 POINTS TONIGHT.

TOO MUCH.

YOU KNOW WHAT I HATE?

I HATE WHEN YOU EVER BE LOOKING

AT SOMETHING YOU WANT TO ORDER

IT AND YOU WAITING FOR THEM.

YOU GOT THE PHONE, YOU WAITING

FOR THEM TO GIVE YOU THE NUMBER.

BUT THEY DON'T GIVE YOU THE

NUMBER.

THEY GIVE YOU A NUMBER

WITH WORDS.

I HATE THAT, MAN.

'CAUSE IT MAKES YOU FEEL STUPID.

'CAUSE NOW YOU GOT TO FIGURE OUT

WHAT LETTER CORRESPONDS TO WHAT

NUMBER.

YOU KNOW WHAT MAKES IT BAD?

WHEN THE NEXT NUMBER YOU GOT

TO DIAL IS THE SAME LETTER.

RIGHT?

DON'T YOU FEEL STUPID?

YOU LIKE, OKAY, T IS--

T IS 5 AND...THE L IS 5.

BUT THEY ALWAYS HAVE THE NERVE

TO SAY, "HURRY NOW."

HOW CAN I HURRY IF YOU GAVE ME

WORDS?

GIVE ME THE NUMBERS I COULD

CALL.

I HATE CELL PHONES.

WHAT EVER HAPPENED TO THE

REGULAR RING?

WHAT EVER HAPPENED TO

BRRRRINNGGG?

THAT LASTED FOR SO MANY YEARS

AND IT WORKED.

BRRRRRRIIIINNNG.

NOW EVERYBODY GOT A LITTLE TUNE

ON THEIR PHONE NOW.

THAT'S NOT THE BAD PART.

YOU KNOW WHAT THE BAD PART IS?

I HATE TO SEE BROTHERS AROUND

MY WAY LIKE REAL HARD, LIKE REAL

TOUGH, BUT THEY GOT A LITTLE

GIRLY TUNE TO THEIR PHONE.

THEY BE WALKING ALL HARD

AND THEY BE LIKE,

♪ LA, LA, LA, LA, LA, LA, LA

♪ LA, LA, LA

YEAH, THIS MURDER.

I SAID IT THE WHOLE FAMILY, SON.

I SAID THE WHOLE FAMILY.

YOU UNDERSTAND ME?"

♪ LA, LA, LA

I HATE PEOPLE THAT DON'T SAY

THANK YOU WHEN YOU HOLD THE DOOR

FOR THEM.

OHH!

(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE)

OH, MAN! THAT IS MY WORST.

EVERY TIME.

ESPECIALLY WHEN SOMEBODY

GOT PACKAGES.

AND YOU TAKE YOUR TIME TO HOLD

THE DOOR AND THEY DON'T SAY,

OOH, DON'T YOU JUST WISH YOU

JUST GO BACKWARDS AND NOT HOLD

THAT DOOR?

RIGHT BACK TO WHERE WE WERE AT

'CAUSE I KNEW YOU'S WAS GOING

TO BE A BASTARD.

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