John Oliver - Mermaid Panic

Morgan Murphy, Seth Herzog, Rory Scovel Season 4, Ep 4 08/16/2013 Views: 13,341

John Oliver knows that, at its core, America is a nation of belief. (2:28)

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America is a nationof belief.

You believe in thingsin this country.

And then those thingseither come true,

in which caseyou were right,

or they don't come true and youkeep believing in them anyway.

And you can't arguewith that depth of faith.

Let me give youan example

of your capacityto believe in things.

There was a documentarylast year

on the Discovery Channelabout mermaids.


And it causedsuch a panic

that there wasan official statement

released by the U.S. NationalOceanographic Administration

which read,"Mermaids are not real."

That's an officialgovernment response.

Except it wasn't enough

to stop the panicof people

who were now concernedabout this mermaid epidemic.

So they had to releasea follow-up statement

which read, "No evidenceof aquatic humanoids

has ever been found."

Now, let's all take a pausefor a moment and agree

that if you ever find yourselfin your daily job

using the term"aquatic humanoids,"

you have doneextremely well.

And there is an 8-year-oldversion of yourself

who would probably liketo give you a big hug.

But even thatwas not enough

to stop the tide of phone calls

from people who werenot just now concerned

with the existence,but also the threat of mermaids.

So there was a thirdstatement released,

this time by theU.S. Immigration Agency,

which read, "It's notour agency's position to judge

"whether or not mermaidsexist or don't exist.

"Our agency has no openinvestigations

into any issuesregarding mermaids."

Trust some of the craziest

and yet most faithfulmembers of this country

to see a storyabout mermaids

and just instinctivelymake it an immigration issue.

They swim over here,

eating our kelp.

They should grow legsand learn to speak English,

just like I had to!