America is a nationof belief.
You believe in thingsin this country.
And then those thingseither come true,
in which caseyou were right,
or they don't come true and youkeep believing in them anyway.
And you can't arguewith that depth of faith.
Let me give youan example
of your capacityto believe in things.
There was a documentarylast year
on the Discovery Channelabout mermaids.
And it causedsuch a panic
that there wasan official statement
released by the U.S. NationalOceanographic Administration
which read,"Mermaids are not real."
That's an officialgovernment response.
Except it wasn't enough
to stop the panicof people
who were now concernedabout this mermaid epidemic.
So they had to releasea follow-up statement
which read, "No evidenceof aquatic humanoids
has ever been found."
Now, let's all take a pausefor a moment and agree
that if you ever find yourselfin your daily job
using the term"aquatic humanoids,"
you have doneextremely well.
And there is an 8-year-oldversion of yourself
who would probably liketo give you a big hug.
But even thatwas not enough
to stop the tide of phone calls
from people who werenot just now concerned
with the existence,but also the threat of mermaids.
So there was a thirdstatement released,
this time by theU.S. Immigration Agency,
which read, "It's notour agency's position to judge
"whether or not mermaidsexist or don't exist.
"Our agency has no openinvestigations
into any issuesregarding mermaids."
Trust some of the craziest
and yet most faithfulmembers of this country
to see a storyabout mermaids
and just instinctivelymake it an immigration issue.
They swim over here,
eating our kelp.
They should grow legsand learn to speak English,
just like I had to!