-Successful marriagemeans one of us
is going to get towatch the other one die.
And I know it's weird whenyou put it into words,
but that's what it means, ma'am.
It's not a good marriageunless someday one of us
is standing over theother one's dead body,
shaking hands, crying,thinking we did it!
We-- we win.
Where's my prize?
That's a good marriage.
If you're lucky,it ends that way.
If you're unlucky, you'vegot to get divorced and have
sex with a lot of other people.
And yuck, you know?
Who wants that?
Is she the one?
I love her to death,but no, she's not.
She's one of the ones, andthat's good enough, right?
There's a lot of ones out there.
There's 6 billionpeople on Earth.
I'm supposed to thinkthere's one person for me?
Wow, hope she lives near me.
What if she lives in Bangladesh?
I bought her a reallyexpensive engagement ring.
One of the reasons is I liketo look at other engaged women
and be like, oh,somebody loves you less.
Maybe if you pick up abroom every once in a while,
you get a diamond I couldsee from across the room.
We did, uh-- we did have asmooth relationship, totally.
We did break upfor a little bit.
We lived together.
She moved out while I wason the road, so I come home,
I open the door,my first thought
is I didn't even haveto help her move.
That's pretty sweet.
She took all the curtainsand the toilet paper,
which seem unrelatedon the surface
until I found myselfin the bathroom one day
realizing I had notoilet paper, quickly
realizing I had no curtains.
And I got to go througha pantless adventure
through my apartmentdoing a belly crawl
against the hardwoodfloor, looking
for a napkin or a notepador a kitten, just something.
Something to hook me up.