Peter Berman - Low Expectations

  • Season 10 , Ep 20
  • 04/27/2006
  • Views: 10,755

Women need to lower their expectations. (2:14)

IS HAVIN' THIS THOUGHT IN MY HEAD MOST OF THE DAY.

- "MMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM." - [LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE]

YEAH, THE FIRST TIME I NOTICED IT,

I WAS IN A FIVE-HOUR CAR RIDE. I THOUGHT IT WAS THE NOISE

MY TIRES WERE MAKIN' ON THE FREEWAY.

AND THEN I'M LIKE, "WHAT THEHELL HAVE I BEEN THINKIN' ABOUT

"FOR THE LAST THREE HOURS? I DON'T KNOW.

- MMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM." - [LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE]

I KNOW IT'S NOT THAT EASY FOR YOU WOMEN EITHER, YOU KNOW?

I MEAN IT'S NOT EASY FOR GUYS, YOU KNOW?

IT'S NOT EASY BEING A GUY. IT'S NOT. GUYS, CHECK THIS OUT.

THIS IS PRETTY MUCH JUST FOR THE GUYS.

I'M 39 YEARS OLD, RIGHT? UP TO THE TIME I'M LIKE 38-ISH,

I USED TO GO TO THE BATHROOM LIKE THIS, READY,

I'D GO TO THE BATHROOM. I PEE. TAP-TAP. I AM DONE.

ALL OF A SUDDEN LIKE,THREE, FOUR MONTHS AGO,I PEE, TAP-TAP, TAP--

TAP-TAP-TAP-TAP-TAP...

I DON'T EVEN KNOW IF I'M TAPPIN' OR PEEIN'.

I'M LIKE TAP-TAP,TAP-TAP-TAP-TAP-TAP-TAP.

THEN YOU THINK YOU'RE DONE,YOU'RE LIKE...

[LAUGHTER]

ZIP UP. WALK LIKE THREE STEPS.

- BLOP BLOP. SON OF A BITCH! - [LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE]

YEAH. YEAH. THEN WHAT ARE YOU GONNA DO?

THEN YOU GOTTA TALK TO PEOPLE LIKE THIS FOR 15 MINUTES.

"HEY, HOW'S IT GOIN', MAN?"

"ME? I SHOULDN'T HAVE WORN THESE KHAKIS WITHOUT UNDERWEAR.

- THAT WAS A BAD IDEA." - [LAUGHTER]

WOMEN HAVE IT TOUGH TOO, THOUGH.

'CAUSE I'M 39 I GOT A LOT OF WOMEN FRIENDS MY AGE.

AND WOMEN ARE ALWAYS COMPLAININGTHAT ARE MY AGE AND ARE SINGLE.

THEY'RE LIKE, "HOW COME I CAN'T MEET A GOOD GUY.

WHAT HAPPENED TO ALL THE GOOD GUYS?"

YOU WANNA MEET A GOOD GUY? HERE'S ALL YOU NEED TO DO.

READY? PAY ATTENTION. HERE'S HOW YOU MEET A GOOD GUY.

LOW YOUR EXPECTATIONS.

- TADA! - [LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE]

YEAH.

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