Daniel Tosh - Breakfast Sex Talk

  • Season 7, Ep 23
  • 07/24/2003
  • Views: 97,387

Sex is a lot like an egg. (1:18)

PIECE A ASS, AND I SHOULD KNOW.

I'VE BEEN THERE ALMOST EVERY

TIME.

[LAUGHTER]

WELL, BUT IT'S NOT MY FAULT.

I NEVER GOT A "BIRDS AND

THE BEES" SPEECH AS A CHILD.

I REMEMBER THE CLOSEST THING

I EVER GOT.

ONE TIME MY DAD WAS COOKING

BREAKFAST.

HE'S LIKE, "SON, YOU BETTER

LISTEN UP, 'CAUSE I'M ONLY

GONNA SAY THIS ONE TIME."

HE WAS IN THE FUJIS.

[LAUGHTER]

THANKS.

"SEX IS A LOT LIKE THIS EGG."

I'M LIKE, "EGG?

DAD, I THINK THAT'S DRUGS."

[LAUGHTER]

"WHATEVER, QUEER."

[LAUGHTER]

"WHY IS EVERYONE SAYING THAT?"

"JUST LISTEN, ALL RIGHT?"

"FIRST THING I DO IS HEAT UP

THE BED REAL NICE, GET IT NICE

AND WARM, GET IT READY FOR HER.

THEN YOU GOTTA TAKE HER,

CRACK OVER THE HEAD, AND LAY HER

OUT FLAT, ALL RIGHT?

[LAUGHTER]

COME ON, NOW.

WAIT TILL SHE STARTS SIZZLIN'

REALLY GOOD.

THEN YOU CAN FLIP HER ON OVER.

THERE YOU GO.

YEAH.

OH.

DON'T GET TOO EXCITED,

OR YOU GET YELLOW STUFF ALL OVER

THE BACON."

[LAUGHTER]

WHAT'S GOING ON?

OH.

OOH, THAT'S A GROSS--

NO, IT'S NOT.

[LAUGHTER]

THAT'S A BREAKFAST JOKE.

[LAUGHTER]

THAT'S THE MOST IMPORTANT JOKE

OF THE DAY.

[LAUGHTER]

IF YOU DON'T LAUGH AT THAT,

YOU'RE GONNA GET SLEEPY AROUND

11:30.

AND YOU'LL BE LIKE, "WHY AM I

SO TIRED?"

MAYBE NOT.

[LAUGHTER]

I WAS DATING THIS GIRL.

SHE GOT A BOOB JOB, A BREAST

ENLARGEMENT.

BUT SHE PUTS SQUEAK TOYS IN 'EM.

[LAUGHTER]

YEAH.

AND I'M LIKE [SQUEAKING] AH!

[LAUGHTER]

SHE WAS A CLOWN, SO IT WAS

A TAX WRITE-OFF.

[LAUGHTER]

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