Eric Andre - Ray Ray

  • Season 1 , Ep 3
  • 07/18/2010
  • Views: 30,155

Half the roles Eric Andre auditions for sound like the guys who speak jive in the movie 'Airplane.' (2:30)

TRYING TO GET INTOTHE ACTING THING, MAN.

UM...GOING OUTFOR A LOT OF AUDITIONS.

UH, ALL THE ROLESI GO OUT FOR,

I'M EITHERONE OF TWO THINGS.

I'M EITHER FLAMIN',FREAKIN' GAY

WITH, LIKE, CONFETTI BURSTINGOUT OF MY BUTT CHEEKS,

AND I'M FLYINGOUT OF THE CLOSET,

RIDING A UNICORN NAKED.

OR I'M LIKETHE POLAR OPPOSITE.

I'M JUST LIKE THE MOST SLOVENLY,FAT, HETEROSEXUAL METS FAN.

I'M JUST EATING SPAGHETTIAND MEATBALLS OUT OF THE TOILET.

I'M LIKE, "YEAH! GO, METS!"

AND THE SIDE OF MY MAN BOOBLOOKS LIKE TOMMY LEE JONES'S

POCKMARKED CHEEK.

JUST A HUMAN FART.

I THINK IT SHOULD BE ILLEGALFOR WHITE WRITERS

TO WRITE DIALOGUEFOR BLACK ACTORS.

'CAUSE HALF THE ROLESI GO IN FOR,

I'M SPEAKINGA CROSS BETWEEN, LIKE,

BOOTSY COLLINSHAVING A SEIZURE,

AL JOLSON IN BLACKFACE,

AND THE GUYS THAT SPEAK JIVEON THE MOVIE AIRPLANE.

I'M GOING INFOR AUDITIONS LIKE,

"HEY, BRO,I'M JUST TCBin', MAN,

DON'T GOT TO MESS WITHMY OLD LADY, WHO GOT THE--"

WHAT THE HELLAM I TALKING ABOUT?

NOBODY TALKS LIKE THAT ANYMORE!

TWO BLACK DUDESTALKED LIKE THAT 40 YEARS AGO.

I WANT TO GO IN THESEWRITER ROOMS AND BE LIKE,

"HAVE YOU EVERMET A BLACK PERSON BEFORE?

"OR YOU JUST POPPED INA 2 LIVE CREW CD,

"AND YOU WERE LIKE, 'I GOTTHE GIST OF THIS CULTURE.'

TYPE-TYPITY, TYPE,TYPE, TYPE, TYPE, TYPE."

I--I [bleep] YOU NOT,I SWEAR TO GOD.

I WENT OUT FOR TWO SEPARATEAUDITIONS,

TWO DIFFERENT PRODUCTIONS,

TWO DIFFERENTGROUPS OF WRITERS,

THAT CAME UP WITH A BLACKCHARACTER FOR THEIR SHOW

NAMED RAY RAY!

RAY RAY, DY-NO-MITE!

AND ONE OF THE RAY RAYSWAS A DRUG DEALER!

THE ONLY BLACK DUDEON THE SHOW.

EVERYBODY ELSEHAD A REGULAR JOB.

RAY RAY SOLD DRUGSFOR SOME REASON.

"HEY, I'M RAY RAY, MAN.

"ALL I KNOW HOW TO DOIS SELL DRUGS.

"I WISH I COULD WORK IN A BIG,FANCY OFFICE,

"LIKE DEM WHITE FOLKS.

"OH, WELL, GUESSI'LL JUST SIT ON MY PORCH

"AND EAT MY MCRIB "SAMMICH"

"AND SPIT WATERMELON SEEDS.

"HEY, HOW 'BOUTSOME SOFT-SHOE, Y'ALL?

TAP, TAP, TAPITTY,TAP, TAP."

LAST TIME I CHECKED,

BLACK PEOPLE ARE THE MOSTCREATIVE AND PASSIONATE

CULTURE ON EARTH.

NO CULTURE HAS DONE MOREWITH LESS.

WE READ BOOKS.WE WORK IN OFFICES.

AND SOME OF USARE THE PRESIDENT

OF THE UNITED STATESOF AMERICA!

I HAVE A DREAM!

YOU GUYS ARE LIKE,"WHAT IS THIS PUERTO RICAN KID

"COMPLAINING ABOUT?

BOO HOO, PUERTO RICO."

THANK YOU GUYS SO MUCH.I'M ERIC ANDRE.

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