I'm sure a lot of you areon social networks as well.
I still have a Myspace page.
I have not been to itin years.
I'm afraid to go backto Myspace.
I think it'sa bad neighborhood now.
I think Myspaceis just abandoned now.
It just lookslike RoboCop's Detroit.
Like, it's just like...
I think my profilehas graffiti all over it,
and, like,kids making meth inside.
Tom's profile pic nowis just some guy
with scraggly hair,missing teeth,
long fingernails,and jars of pee everywhere.
"I'm in your top eight."
Facebook is puzzling to me.
I do havea Facebook account,
but Facebook is just weird.
Facebook is just likea naggy girlfriend
who's constantly trying to makeyou hang out with people
you don't wanna hang out with
and always making youtell her where you are.
"What are you doing?What are you listening to?
"Where are you eating?What's happening?
Where are you gettingyour dry cleaning?"
Like, all the time,
nonstop with status updates.
And then if you wannaleave Facebook,
if you try to break upwith it,
good [bleep] luck.
You can't do it.
You try to break upwith Facebook,
and it turns intothe most psychotic ex-girlfriend
you've ever had,
constantly asking youif you're, like,
"Uh, Facebook, this reallyisn't working out.
I don't wannado this anymore."
"Are you sure?"
"Yeah, I'm sure.
"Please, I would really liketo delete this account
and not be in thisrelationship anymore."
"Really, are you sure?""Yes, I'm positive."
"Really?'Cause Facebook connects you
"to all the coolest peopleand friends.
Are you sure youdon't want it anymore?"
"Yes, please, Facebook,this isn't working out anymore."
"Fine, then I'm gonna keepall your [bleep] pictures!"