Lisa Landry - Green Tea

  • Season 11 , Ep 8
  • 02/01/2007
  • Views: 9,796

HE'S LIKE, "YOU KNOW, WHAT YOU SHOULD DO,

"STOP DRINKING BEER ALL THE TIME, DRINK A GREEN TEA.

"IT'S CHOCK FULL OF ANTI-OXIDANTS. "IT SLIMS YOU OUT.

IT'S DELICIOUS."GREEN TEA IS DISGUSTING.

HAVE YOU EVER TRIED GREEN TEA?IT TASTES LIKE OLD LADY.

[LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE]

- IT'S LIKE FOOT IN A CUP. - [LAUGHTER CONTINUES]

I TAKE ONE WHIFFI GOTTA CALL MY GRANDMA.

I'M LIKE, "HEY [SNIFFS], I MISS YOU."

[LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE]

BUT IT'S MY FAULT. I MARRIED A MAN WHO ALWAYS THINKS HE KNOWS EVERYTHING.

'CAUSE I HAD TO MARRY SMART 'CAUSE I'M NOT VERY SMART.

I NEEDED THAT BALANCE. LIKE, I'M NOT JESSICA SIMPSON STUPID,

BUT BRITNEY COULD TAKE ME ON AN IQ TEST.

[LAUGHTER]

LIKE, WHEN YOU'RE WITH SOMEBODY SMARTER THAN YOU THEY ALWAYS GOTTA RUB IT

IN YOUR FACE. IT'S SO HARD, 'CAUSE I LOVE HIM SO MUCH,

BUT IT'S ANNOYING. HE'S LIKE,"LISA, YOU SHOULD JUST

"DO WHAT I TELL YOU TO DO. I KNOW WHAT I'M TALKING ABOUT.

"I'M THE ONE THAT HAS THE MBA FROM THE IVY LEAGUE SCHOOL

HA, HA, HA, HA." WHO GIVES A [BLEEP]?

[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]

BIG DEAL, SO WHAT.

I GOT A DUI AT COMMUNITY COLLEGE.

HE ALWAYS LIKES TO READ. I'M SIMPLE. I'M A TV GIRL.

YOU GIVE ME A TELEVISION, BEER, DORITOS I COULD

SIT THERE FOR A WEEK. YOU KNOW SIMPLE.

HE'S ALWAYS READING, YOU KNOW. AND I REMEMBER THE FIRST TIME

I WENT TO HIS APARTMENT,I WAS SO NERVOUS.

YOU KNOW HOW THAT IS, YOU DON'T KNOW WHAT TO EXPECT.

I GO WALKING IN. HE'S GOT ROWS AND ROWS OF BOOKS EVERYWHERE.

MAPS UP ON THE WALLS.

A WHOLE FOLDER OF MAGAZINE ARTICLE CLIPPINGS. I'M LIKE, "[BLEEP],

- I'M DATING A SERIAL KILLER." - [LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE]

I SAID, "HEY, YOU WANNA WATCH SOME TV WITH ME TONIGHT?"

"I DON'T OWN A TELEVISION."

- [BLEEP]. - [LAUGHTER]

I'M GONNA END UP IN A BOX. - [LAUGHTER CONTINUES]

I SAID, "WHAT ARE WE GONNA DO TONIGHT

IF WE DON'T WATCH TV TOGETHER?""I THOUGHT I'D READ YOU POETRY."

OH, OKAY."

HE'S NOT A SERIAL KILLER. HE'S A PUSSY.

[LAUGHTER, CHEERS & APPLAUSE]

BUT DON'T GET ME WRONG, A SENSITIVE MAN IS BEAUTIFUL.

WE ALL WANT A SENSITIVE MAN, BUT POETRY? UH-UH.

I NEVER WANT A MAN READING ME POETRY.

- WHAT IF IT'S A LONG POEM? - [LAUGHTER]

WHAT IF IT'S SO LONG I MISS THE BEGINNING OF CSI?

I LIKE THE TV ON AT ALL TIMESIT MAKES ME FEEL GOOD.

I'LL LEAVE IT ON, WHEN I'M EATING, WHEN SLEEPING.

WHEN I MAKE LOVE, I JUST TURN DOWN THE VOLUME

AND HAVE A LITTLE MOOD LIGHTING.

I DON'T NEED CANDLES. I GOT CABLE.

I'LL WATCH ANYTHING ON TV, I WILL, EXCEPT ONE THING.

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