Jeff Caldwell - Soap

Season 1, Ep 0101 08/31/2006 Views: 3,622

Isn't advertising soap as "anti-bacterial" a little redundant? (2:26)

the great productsthe scientists give us--

Anti-bacterial soap.

Yeah, I kind of thoughtthat was understood

as part of our contractwith soap, that, uh...

Maybe it was putting a dentin the germs--

what the hell have I beenwashing my hands with

all these years?

Bacteria neutral?Virus friendly? Uh...

( laughter )

We have great medicines,you see them advertised on TV.

I notice the people in the adfor the herpes medicine

always seem to be kayaking.

Yeah...( laughter )



I'm not an epidemiologist,

but maybe we oughtto take a look at

these rental kayaks, huh?

( laughter )

( applause )

Think I found the vector.

Got to spray them outlike we do bowling shoes.

But, uh...

Oh, but they're so active.

"I'm not letting herpeskeep me down."

( laughter )

"Rowing for the waterfallto end this loneliness."

( laughter )

"Susan Huntly? Yeah, I'm reallydoing it this time."

( laughter )

Oh, they're great medicines,terrific stuff.

My wife's birth control pillsalso prevent acne.


Coincidently,when I was a teenager,

acne was my form ofbirth control, so, uh...

( laughter )

Oh, yeah...

Dependable?You betcha.

Yeah, about...

about 100% effective,as I recall.

Good old acne.

But, uh, despite all these

wonderful medicinesthat we have,

we're not a very fit nation.

Our portions area little out of control.

I ate at a Mexican placerecently.

The burrito was likea rolled up Sunday paper, um...

( laughter )

"Burrito loco" indeed, sir.

Is this an entree or a childbeing smuggled in a tortilla?

( laughter )

Es muy grande.

We got the pizza peoplein this country

not content to shove cheeseright into the crust,

they say we got to have people

dip it in someranch dressing, too.


Pizza gets so dry.

( laughter )

Two slices, I got gout--it's a little rich.

( laughter )