Bonnie McFarlane - Lesbians

  • Season 12 , Ep 11
  • 02/14/2008
  • Views: 7,254

Bonnie McFarlane could never be a lesbian. (2:46)

I GET ASKED TO DO A LOT OFBENEFITS AND FUNDRAISERS

FOR SOME REALLY--SOME VERY, VERY GOOD CAUSES.

- AND I ALWAYS SAY NO.- [LAUGHTER]

I'M NO STOOGE FOR THECOMMUNIST LEFT, ALL RIGHT?

NO, I DID DO ONE BENEFIT.I DID A BENEFIT FOR WOMAN

WHO WAS HIV POSITIVEAND WHAT A SWEET LITTLE LADY.

AND SHE WAS JUST VIVACIOUSAND FUN TO BE AROUND.

AND IT WAS A GREAT BENEFIT.WE RAISED $40,000 FOR HER.

AND IT FELT REALLY GOOD. IT DID.UNTIL AFTERWARDS

WHEN SHE GOTINVESTIGATED FOR FRAUD,'CAUSE THERE WAS

A LOT OF QUESTIONS AS TO WHETHERSHE REALLY DID HAVE AIDS OR NOT.

AND NOT ONLY IS THAT ADISGUSTING THING TO LIE ABOUT.

IT'S ACTUALLY REALLY ILLEGAL.AND THE FBI GOT INVOLVED.

AND THEY TOLD US,"IF SHE'S ACTUALLY LYING,

SHE COULD GO TO PRISONFOR LIKE TEN YEARS."

"TEN YEARS"?AS SOON AS I HEARD THAT,I WAS LIKE,

"OH, MY GOD.I HOPE SHE HAS AIDS."

[LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE]

YEAH, YEAH, PRISON WOULD BEA DEATH SENTENCE

FOR A LITTLE WOMANLIKE THAT, SO...

OKAY.

YOU KNOW WHAT I LOVE?AND THIS IS GONNA SOUNDSO QUEER-- LESBIANS.

- [LAUGHTER]- I DO. I DO.

I LOVE YOU GUYS.YOU'RE SWEET.

I COULD NEVER BE A LESBIANBECAUSE I HAVE A REALLY GOOD

- SENSE OF HUMOR.- [LAUGHTER, OH'S & APPLAUSE]

THIS IS MY IMPRESSIONOF A LESBIAN LAUGHING.

[Hesitates] YEAH.

SEE I SHOULDN'T DO THAT JOKE,'CAUSE THAT'S SO STEREOTYPICAL.

YOU KNOWLESBIANS ARE GOOD PEOPLE.THEY DON'T DESERVE THAT

YOU KNOW WHY? THEY'RE ACTUALLY,YOU KNOW, THEY'RE TOO BUSY

TO BE FRIVOLOUS. YOU KNOW?

BECAUSE THEY'RE BUSYCHANGING THE WORLD

AND THEIR BIRKENSTOCKSAND THEIR FLANNELS

AND THEIR LITTER BOXESAND THEIR NIPPLE RINGS.

[LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE]

BUT-- YOU KNOW LESBIANS AREALWAYS LIKE GOOD FOR A CAUSE.

LIKE THEY'LL GOAND THEY'LL MARCH FOR SOMETHING.

YOU KNOW STRAIGHT WOMENWON'T DO THAT.

YOU KNOW, BECAUSE IT'S SO HARDTO MARCH IN HEELS.

IT'S UNLADYLIKE.AND-- HMM, NO.

I WAS RAISEDNOT TO MAKE FUN OFGAY PEOPLE.

I DON'T USE WORDS LIKE"[BLEEP]" OR "[BLEEP] PIRATE."

[LAUGHTER]

AND I CERTAINLY DON'T USETHOSE WORDS AROUND MY DADS. SO.

[LAUGHTER, CHEERS & APPLAUSE]

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