Michael Palascak - Jesus, Mary and Joseph

Michael Palascak Season 1, Ep 2 05/11/2012 Views: 5,527

When Michael Palascak was a kid, he knew how to use the Bible to his advantage. (2:07)

You can't just say wordsthat happen to be true

and ignore the problem.

I can't do that. I know that.

When I was a kid,my mom'd be like,

"Michael, how comeyour dad's the only one

taking out the garbage?"

I'd be like,"Because no one is helping him."

I'm glad that I could provide

that informationto you right now.

I feel like I have metall the requirements

of this conversation.

Okay, I'll go help.

I'm Catholic, my mom's ancestryis Irish Catholic,

so she's super Catholic.

(scattered whooping)Yeah? Right?

Whenever my brothers or I didsomething wrong

when we were kids,that's when all

the religious ragewould come out, yeah.

She'd be like,"Who broke the fish bowl?

Jesus, Mary and Joseph."

My brother would be like,"Wow, we should

go tell her it was us."

I'd be like, "No, we're not evenone of the top three suspects.

"We're not even in the line-upright now. We're fine.

"And shut up, we're Catholic.Jesus died for our sins.

He won't mind taking the heaton a fish bowl."

It's in the Bible.

It's hard being Catholicas you get older.

There's a lot of rulesthat are hard to follow.

Like if you're Catholic,you're not supposed to

have sex tillyou get married.

Which is good, I guess, if youdon't want to have kids,

or get diseases. What happens ifyou die before we get married?

That's not fair.

Then you go to heaven a virgin.

And you might have tohave sex with a terrorist.

I don't make the rules.

I just mixthem up in my head.