Sean Cullen - Chimp and the Woman

  • Season 6 , Ep 2
  • 04/28/2002
  • Views: 12,333

Death to the chimp-loving whore. (4:31)

FOR HAPPENING FOR ME.

WE RECENTLY HAD A BABY

AND WE'RE VERY EXCITED ABOUT

THAT.

(APPLAUSE)

OH, WELL, THANK YOU.

IT'S NICE OF YOU TO SAY SO.

HE'S A LOVELY BABY.

PEOPLE ALWAYS ASK YOU ONE THING

WHEN YOU HAVE A BABY.

"HOW MUCH DOES IT WEIGH?"

HOW MUCH DID HE WEIGH?"

"WHAT'S THE WEIGHT OF THE

CHILD?"

THEY ASK.

IT'S WEIRD BECAUSE THEY NEVER

ASK YOU ANYTHING ELSE.

THEY DON'T WANT TO KNOW ANY OF

THE OTHER DIMENSIONS OF THE

BABY, YOU KNOW.

THEY DON'T SAY, "HOW MUCH VOLUME

DOES HE DISPLACE?

THIS CHILD."

"HE DISPLACES 2.5 CUBIC LITERS

AND WE'RE VERY PROUD.

VERY PROUD OF IT."

WE HAVE THIS LOVELY BABY.

THE THING YOU HAVE TO DO

WHEN YOU HAVE A BABY IS

TO MAKE SURE THE HOUSE IS SAFE.

HE'S STARTING TO MOVE AROUND

NOW.

SO, THE HOUSE HAS TO BE

COMPLETELY SAFE.

NOTHING DANGEROUS.

BUT IT DOESN'T MATTER HOW HARD

YOU TRY TO MAKE THE HOUSE SAFE,

YOU KNOW, HE WILL FIND THE

DANGEROUS THING AND STICK IT

INTO HIMSELF SOME HOW, YOU KNOW.

YOU'RE SITTING THERE GOING,

"WE CLEANED THE WHOLE HOUSE

BUT I SEEM TO REMEMBER

A SMALL NEEDLE, ALMOST INVISIBLE

TO THE HUMAN EYE.

IT WAS IN THE CARPET SOMEWHERE

WAY OVER THERE.

AND THEN TEN SECONDS LATER,

"OH IT'S IN HIS FACE, OH!"

YOU KNOW, IT'S ALL ABOUT--

FOR ME IT'S ALL ABOUT BREAKING

DOWN WALLS AND BUILDING BRIDGES.

THAT'S WHAT IT'S ALL ABOUT,

YOU KNOW?

SO, I WROTE THIS SONG AND I HOPE

IT SPEAKS TO YOU TONIGHT.

♪ THERE WAS A WOMAN

♪ WHO LIVED ALONE

♪ NOBODY CALLED HER

♪ ON THE TELEPHONE

♪ SHE WENT INTO THE WOODS

♪ ONE DAY

♪ SHE FOUND A YOUNG CHIMP

♪ WHO HAD GONE ASTRAY

♪ SHE TOOK THAT

♪ LITTLE PRIMATE HOME

♪ SO SHE WOULDN'T

♪ HAVE TO BE ALONE

♪ THEY SPENT

♪ THE WINTER TOGETHER

♪ WARM IN THEIR LOVE

♪ DESPITE THE HARSHNESS

♪ OF THE WINTER WEATHER

♪ THE CHIMP AND THE WOMAN

♪ LIVING TOGETHER

♪ IN A HOUSE OF STONE

♪ THE CHIMP AND THE WOMAN

♪ THEY MADE THIS HOUSE A HOME

♪ THE CHIMP AND THE WOMAN

♪ WERE HAPPY THEY'RE HERE

♪ THE CHIMP WAS SAFE

♪ THE WOMAN

♪ HAD FOUND A FRIEND

♪ BUT THE TOWNSFOLK

♪ HEARD OF THIS BIZARRE AFFAIR

♪ THEY SAID, "HOW CAN SHE LOVE

♪ A CREATURE THAT IS

♪ COVERED WITH HAIR?"

♪ THEY CAME

♪ WITH AXES AND TORCHES

♪ THEY BURNED HER

♪ FRONT AND BACK PORCHES

♪ THEY KICKED IN THE DOOR

♪ SHOUTING "DEATH TO THE

♪ CHIMP-LOVING WHORE"

♪ BUT SHE WAS GONE

♪ NO ONE KNEW WHERE THEY WENT

♪ YEARS WENT BY

♪ AND THE WORLD SPUN AROUND

♪ THEN ONE DAY

♪ A STRANGE CREATURE

♪ WALKED INTO TOWN

♪ IT CAME IN FROM THE WILD

♪ IT WAS HALF HUMAN,

♪ HALF CHIMP HYBRID CHILD

♪ AND IT SAID

♪ "I AM A CHIMPY-CHILD

♪ ON WHOM FORTUNE HAD SMILED

♪ IF WE COULD LIVE IN PEACE

♪ THEN ALL HATRED WOULD CEASE

♪ IF WE COULD LIVE WITH LOVE

♪ WITH THE BLESSINGS

♪ FROM UP ABOVE

♪ IF WE COULD JUST HOLD HANDS

♪ MAYBE THEN

♪ WE WOULD UNDERSTAND

♪ AND THE PEOPLE,

♪ THE PEOPLE,

♪ THEY BEAT HIM TO DEATH

♪ WITH A ROCK ♪

(LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE)

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