Anthony Jeselnik - Girlfriend Pranks

Anthony Jeselnik: Caligula Season 1, Ep 101 01/13/2013 Views: 44,461

After a night of getting trashed, Anthony Jeselnik can't resist saying something that makes his girlfriend furious. (2:08)

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My girlfriend and Iargue a lot.

It's mostly her arguing with mekind of thing.

Like, I shouldjust keep my mouth shut.

Every fight we get intois my fault.

I should justkeep my mouth shut, but I can't

because I'm so [bleep] funny.

[ Laughter ]

Like, a couple of nights ago,we go to a party, all right?

We get trashed,completely wasted.

We wake up in bed the nextmorning completely hung over.

And I know I shouldjust keep my mouth shut,

but instead, I roll over,and I say,

"Listen, baby, don't get mad,

but I think your mom triedto have sex with me last night."

And she hit the roof.

She goes,"Anthony, that's impossible."

And I said, "Oh.

Well, in that case,you should always wear makeup."

[ Laughter ]

[ Applause ]

I love that joke so much.

Here's why.

Did you guys hear, like,the sounds you made?

Like that was the worst thingI've said tonight?

I've told three rape jokes.

[ Laughter ]

I like to play prankson my girlfriend,

you know,keep things fresh for me,

make me laugh, you know?

She hates it.

But, like, the other night,I put Saran wrap

over the toilet seat,you know,

which doesn't soundthat original,

but she's bulimic.

[ Laughter and applause ]

I like that you laughuntil I look at you,

and then you stop laughing.

'Cause you don't want to give methe satisfaction.

[ Laughter ]

That's great.

You seem like a cool girl

in a completely differentenvironment.

[ Laughter ]