Patton Oswalt - Supermarket Depression Pt. 2

Patton Oswalt: Tragedy Plus Comedy Equals Time Season 1, Ep 101 04/06/2014 Views: 6,654

Though he didn't think it was possible, Patton Oswalt's supermarket visit gets even sadder. (2:04)

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THEN SOMETHINGEVEN SADDER HAPPENED.

I SAW A LEAN CUISINE I WANTED.

YOU SHOULD NEVER STAND IN FRONTOF A WALL OF LEAN CUISINES

AND HAVE THIS THOUGHT.

"OOH!"

THAT'S -- OHH.

THAT'S NOT GOOD.

BUT THERE IT WAS.MEZZALUNA MUSHROOM RAVIOLI.

I WANT IT!

[ LAUGHTER ]

TAKE IT OFF THE SHELF.

I'M LOOKING AT THE HEATINGINSTRUCTIONS ON THE BACK.

"REMOVE TRAY FROM CARTON.

"CUT A SLITIN THE PLASTIC TO VENT.

[ LAUGHTER ]

"PLACE IT IN THE MICROWAVEFOR 2½ MINUTES.

"REMOVE.

"PEEL BACK THE PLASTIC.

"SPOON THE SAUCEOVER THE RAVIOLI TO COAT.

"REPLACE THE PLASTIC.

PUT IT BACK IN FOR 2½ --"

WHEN I SAW "PUT IT BACK IN,"I WAS LIKE, "NO.

"OHHHHHHH!

"COME ON!

"WHAT AM I, EMERIL?I JUST WANT TO EAT!

AAAAH!"

[ APPLAUSE ]

THEN I SPENT WHICH MUST'VE BEENSIX MINUTES OF MY LIFE

LOOKING AT THE BACKSOF OTHER LEAN CUISINES

UNTIL I FOUND ONE --

GLAZED CHICKEN OVER RICE --WHICH I DID NOT WANT.

BUT THE INSTRUCTIONS WERE"REMOVE TRAY FROM BOX."

DON'T EVEN CUT A SLIT.

[ GASPS ]

THIS IS 2013.

[ LAUGHTER ]

PUT IT IN THE MICROWAVEFOR FIVE MINUTES.

THAT'S IT.I'M LIKE, "THERE'S MY DINNER.

"I'M GONNA --

"THAT'S WHAT I'M HAVINGFOR DINNER, IS LACK OF EFFORT.

"THAT IS WHAT I'M GONNA EAT --

A BIG STEAMING PLATEOF LACK OF EFFORT."

[ APPLAUSE ]