Maria Bamford - Helping Others

  • Season 11 , Ep 10
  • 02/15/2007
  • Views: 11,101

Maria Bamford wants to do more with her life. (1:44)

ALL MY FRIENDS, I-- YOU KNOW THEY'RE GOOD PEOPLE

TRYING TO DO THE SPIRITUAL RIGHT THING.

BUT EVERY TIME I TRY--I WAS THINKING I'M GOING TO TAKE

A YEAR OFF, YOU KNOW. GO HELP PEOPLE IN A DIFFERENT PART OF THE WORLD, YOU KNOW?

I DON'T KNOW. SELL MY CDs OR SOMETHING.

AND ALL MY FRIENDS FROM L.A. STOPPED ME AND SAY,

"YOU ALREADY DO SO MUCH.YOU MAKE PEOPLE LAUGH.

IT'S THE GREATEST GIFT IN THE WORLD."

"I ONLY DO THAT,LIKE, FOUR MINUTES A DAYIF IT'S GOING WELL.

"MAYBE IN THE OFF TIME,I COULD, YOU KNOW,

SPONGE BATHE THE DYING OR JUST HOSE THINGS OFF A LITTLE BIT."

"WHY DON'T YOU BUY A PAIR OF FAIR TRADE SHOES

MADE WITH RECYCLED MATERIALS AND DO YOUR PART?"

"I ALREADY HAVE 18 PAIRS OF SHOES.

DON'T YOU THINK CONSCIOUS NEGLECT EQUALS PERPETRATION?"

"OKAY. SOUNDS LIKESOMEBODY NEEDS TO GET A FACIAL."

[LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE]

BUT NOBODY'S PERFECT. MOTHER TERESA-- I WAS THINKING,

YOU KNOW, SHE WAS AN INCREDIBLE PERSON.

BUT-- YOU KNOW,SHE PROBABLY--

I READ A LOT OF WOMEN'S MAGAZINES--

I THOUGHT MAYBE, SHE WASN'T ALWAYS A REALLY GOOD BEST FRIEND, YOU KNOW?

LIKE, [WHINEY VOICE] "YEAH, I KNEW TERESE.

"WE WERE SUPPOSED TO DO SOMETHING WEDNESDAY NIGHT."

I CALL HER-- SHE'S LIKE "OH MY GOD, I TOTALLY FORGOT.

I HAVE TO SERVE THE POORAND HELP THE LORD."

OKAY, YOU KNOW WHAT? THAT'S NOT COOL. WE HAD PLANS.

[LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE]

SO-- ME AND TERESE-- UM, SHE AND ALL OF HER NUN FRIENDS COME OVER

AND WE WATCH DVDs AND STUFF. AND THE PIZZA CAME.

AND I'M, LIKE, "OKAY, YOU GUYS, GOT TO CHIP IN."

AND THEY'RE LIKE, "OH, WE TOOK A VOW OF POVERTY.

WE DON'T HAVE ANY MONEY." IT'S LIKE, "OKAY, THAT'S FINE.

BUT ALL YOU ALL'S OWE ME 6 BUCKS.

- ALL YOU ALL'S." - [LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE]

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