Andy Kindler - Legal Marijuana

  • Season 10 , Ep 16
  • 04/13/2006
  • Views: 4,730

Andy fit in all possible vices while in Amsterdam. (2:59)

- THAT WAS NICE.- [LAUGHTER]

"I DON'T KNOW WHAT HE WAS TALKIN' ABOUT," SAID VACLEV

- OF THE CZECH REPUBLIC." - [LAUGHTER]

"I WAS COMPLETELY CONFUSED," SAID A RANDOM SWEDE."

MY OWN ACT IS CONFUSING ME. HUH?

SO I WAS IN AMSTERDAM ANDYOU CAN SMOKE POT THERE LEGALLY.

SO I FIGURED I'LL GIVE THAT A SHOT. RIGHT?

[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]

I DON'T WANNA BE RUDE ANDCAUSE AN INTERNATIONAL INCIDENT.

SO, UM-- YOU'RE ALLOWED-- AND THE THING IS OVER THERE,

THEY SMOKE POT AND THEY MIX IT WITH HASH AND TOBACCO.

AND THEY ROLL IT TOGETHER.AND THE REASON WHY THEY DO THAT,

THEY HAVE SO MANY VICES, THEY HAVE TO COMBINE THEM.

OH, I'LL SMOKE POT; BUT I DON'T WANNA HAVE THAT

CUT INTO MY CIGARETTESMOKING TIME, ALL RIGHT?

I'M DOIN' A HOOKER IN TEN MINUTES,

A LEGAL HOOKER, A LICENSED AND BONDED HOOKER.

HOW DO YOU LIKE THEM APPLES?

SO YOU GO INTO THESE COFFEE SHOPS IN AMSTERDAM,

AND THEY HAVESAMPLES OF POT AND HASH.AND I SEE THIS HASH.

IT'S IN A BAGGIE, PINNED TO THE WALL.

I TELL THE GUY, "I'LL HAVE SOME OF THAT."

AND HE LOOKS INTHE DRAWER AND HE SAYS,"OH, YOU'RE A LUCKY MAN.

I HAVE ONE LEFT." I'M A LUCKY MAN?

HOW LUCKY AM I? I'M IN A COUNTRY THAT LEGALLY SELLS HASH.

- YOU'RE A HASH SELLER. - [LAUGHTER]

THERE'S A SAMPLE OVER THERE, AND YOU HAVE THAT SAMPLE.

WHAT ARE THE ODDS OF THAT HAPPENING?

ONE IN ONE, MAYBE? A HUNDRED PERCENT?

YOU DON'T GO IN A PIANO STORE, AND YOU ASK THE GUY,

"YOU KNOW, I COULD LOOK AT THE PIANOS."

"WELL, YOU'RE A LUCKY MAN. I HAPPEN TO HAVE PIANOS HERE

IN THE PIANO STORE. YOU'RE A BLESSED MAN."

IT'S LIKE WINNING THE LOTTERY.

IF THE LOTTERY MEANT YOU HAD THE NUMBERS BEFOREHAND

AND THERE WAS NO PAYOFF,IT'S JUST LIKE THAT.

HAD TO ADD ONTO THE JOKE AT THE END.

THEY'RE DOING CLINICAL STUDIES WITH POT.

AND I'VE BEEN DOINGMY OWN INFORMAL STUDIESWITH POT FOR YEARS.

JUST I'M NOT, YOU KNOW, INFORMAL.

I'M NOT CONNECTED TO AN INSTITUTION.

JUST BASICALLY AT HOME,I'LL SMOKE A JOINT;

PUT A LAB COAT ON; AND JUST JOT DOWN RANDOM OBSERVATIONS.

- YOU KNOW.- [LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE]

"YES-- UM, YES.

I-- I AM GETTING HUNGRY. I AM.

I-- I CAN CORROBORATE THE MUNCHY EFFECT

THAT THE COMEDIANSTALK ABOUT SO MUCH. YES.

I COULD GO FOR A BAG OF CHEESE DOODLYOES."

LOOK AT THAT. THE JOKE'S OVER HERE NOW.

IN THIS CLINICAL STUDY,WHAT THEY'RE GONNA DO IS

THEY'RE GONNA GIVE HALF THE PEOPLE ACTUAL JOINTS,

AND HALF OF THEM PLACEBO JOINTS.

THE PEOPLE WHO HAVE THE PLACEBO JOINTS WON'T KNOW THAT THEY'RE FAKE.

IT'S LIKE-- "DO YOU THINK YOU GOT THE REAL JOINT?"

"I DON'T KNOW. I'VE BEEN SMOKIN' FOR A HALF-HOUR.

"I DON'T FEEL ANYTHING. I SMELLOREGANO, I HAVE NO IDEA."

THEN THERE'S A SCIENTISTWITH A CLIPBOARD.

"OKAY, THAT GUY'S LAUGHING AT A RERUN OF BECKER.

- HE MUST BE WASTED. - [LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE]

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